here's a life! here are manners! here's madness!
A wife to be coming without a fortune! A music-wench in the house!
A house full of wastefulness! A young man ruined by extravagance! An
old man in his dotage! --Should Salvation herself[82] desire it, she
certainly could not save this family. (_Exit._

ACT THE FIFTH.

SCENE I.

_Enter SYRUS, drunk, and DEMEA, on the opposite side of the stage._

SYR. Upon my faith, my dear little Syrus, you have taken delicate care
of yourself, and have done your duty[83] with exquisite taste; be off
with you. But since I've had my fill of every thing in-doors, I have
felt disposed to take a walk.

DEM. (_apart._) Just look at that-- there's an instance of their
{good} training!

SYR. (_to himself._) But see, here comes our old man. (_Addressing
him._) What's the matter? Why out of spirits?

DEM. Oh you rascal!

SYR. Hold now; are you spouting your sage maxims here?

DEM. If you were my {servant}----

SYR. Why, you would be a rich man, Demea, and improve your estate.

DEM. I would take care that you should be an example to all the rest.

SYR. For what reason? What have I done?

DEM. Do you ask me? in the midst of this confusion, and during the
greatest mischief, which is hardly yet set right, you have been
getting drunk, you villain, as though things had been going on well.

SYR. (_aside._) Really, I wish I hadn't come out.

SCENE II.

_Enter DROMO in haste, from the house of MICIO._

DRO. Halloo, Syrus! Ctesipho desires you'll come back.

SYR. Get you gone. (_Pushes him back into the house._)

DEM. What is it he says about Ctesipho?

SYR. Nothing.

DEM. How now, {you} hang-dog, is Ctesipho in the house?

SYR. He is not.

DEM. {Then} why does he mention him?

SYR. It's another person; a little diminutive Parasite. Don't you know
him?

DEM. I will know him before long. (_Going to the door._)

SYR. (_stopping him._) What are you about? Whither are you going?

DEM. (_struggling._) Let me alone.

SYR. (_holding him._) Don't, I tell you.

DEM. Won't you keep your hands off, whip-scoundrel? Or would you like
me to knock your brains out this instant? (_Rushes into the house._)

SYR. He's gone! no very pleasant boon-companion, upon my faith,
particularly to Ctesipho. What am I to do now? Why, even get into some
corner till this tempest is lulled, and sleep off this drop of wine.
That's my plan. (_Goes into the house, staggering._)

SCENE II