prayer.

Next consider, for instance, a word like enhearsed:
Now what business has it to be rhyming with first?
Sing hi! the old spelling,
The horrible spelling,
The spelling of nursed and of versed and of worst.

But our simplified speling can cure every il,
And permits nothing foolish like two l's in pil.
Sing hi! the new speling,
Our comforting speling,
Sing pil, bil, fil, wil, til, sil, quil, spil.

Yes, Masticator was going too far--and how had he managed to tamper
with my index? I rang the bell, and questioned my man Edward sharply. He
knew nothing of it, nor did the housemaid, whom I also questioned
sharply. And I trusted I should be less harassed on the morrow.

[Illustration: Flung the cakes at my man Edward.]

But on the morrow, at breakfast, lifting with my fork the top buckwheat
cake in order to spread butter upon the second, I found a leaflet
between the two cakes, inscribed:--

Phthisis
How can you eat while a word like that is allowed?

I flung the cakes at my man Edward, and in five minutes I had dismissed
every servant in the house. Quite unable to work, I left the house
myself, and set out to take the air. No; Masticator was not doing it
right; he was taking too many sudden liberties, not only with the
language, but with myself. Becoming gradually aware that a number of
young persons were following me with loud and disconcerting expressions,
I stepped into a shop where I am unknown, and where they at once offered
to brush off my back. A double mirror showed me these words, chalked
plainly:--

He wants a
P
in Consumtion

Being now without servants, I decided that I should be free from
persecution in the luxurious wilderness of a great hotel. Upon getting
into bed in my room in the twelfth story, a dreadful contact caused me
to leap to the floor, where my foot dashed down upon some similar
dreadfulness, and the shock threw me flat on my face and stomach, only
to feel myself instantly plastered with more of the same odious and
encasing substance. I believe that I shouted loudly in the dark for some
time before hotel employees rushed to my succor; the door was burst open
and the light turned on. It was fly-paper; and much time was consumed in
relieving my person of it. Every piece bore its motto, such as:--

If you'll but drop the e in pi
Better on stomach pi will li.

and also:--