The b in lam
's not worth a dam--

and others.

As early as possible the next morning I sent a message of capitulation
to Masticator B. Fellows.

What can I do for you?

was the message; and the reply came back:--

Delighted you are with us.
Private car train twenty-one to-day.

The secretary of Masticator was at the steps of the car and presented me
at once to a most lovely girl. At the news she was to serve on the
Simplified Spelling Committee with me, my heart bounded, every doubt
left me, and I exclaimed:--

"I will spell just as you say."

"Then," she most sweetly returned, "never let us consent to any
simplification of kiss." And I counted such answer a very happy omen.

She had come from a woman's college, and her important work on the
authorship of Shakespeare's plays had demonstrated, beyond refutation,
that the plays had been written by Queen Elizabeth, in collaboration
with Sir Walter Raleigh and Lady Jane Grey.

"Shall we be in Harrisburg soon, Mr. Kibosh?" she asked the secretary.

"It will be ten minutes after seven, Miss Appleby."

"And that is a whole three hours!" she cried, with no pleasure in her
voice.

"Here is some good chickle," said Kibosh. And when she would take none,
"Then I will," he said. "The private stock of Masticator B. Fellows. The
public gets nothing like this."

He took a small object from the box that he held and put it in his
mouth; and soon, while the train sped on, his large long jaws were
oscillating with a smooth motion, and content, like a lukewarm glaze,
overspread his immense bald features.

Thus it came to me what chickle was. "Chewing-gum!" I exclaimed!

Kibosh opened gentle eyes upon me. "We do not use that word at
Arkansopolis." He smiled, removed the plastic morsel from his mouth, and
placed it on the window-sill, that he might speak to me without
impediment.

"We always say chickle at Arkansopolis. We like that better. Masticator
B. Fellows likes that better. When his genius bought up the small
plants----"

"Is there a chewing-gum trust, too?" asked Miss Appleby.

"Chickle, Miss Appleby, chickle, if you please. When Masticator's genius
organized this noble industry, thereby placing a superior, pure, cheap,
and uniform article within the reach of eighty million jaws----"

"But the whole nation does not chew gum!" the lovely girl again, with
some spirit, interrupted.

"Chickle, Miss Appleby, if you please. Fifty per cent of