his hand; and as Totts hung back his firmly imprisoned organ
received a still more acute sensation, whereat he leaped into the air,
and erased his Surracuse list at one sweep. And next, since Cottsill and
Maverick were hanging back also, one with his arms shielding grantha,
while the other shielded anywheres, Totts was conducted to those words.
"Out with grantha," commanded Jesse. "We'll keep it grandfather for a
while yet, Mr. Bean Talk." They attempted to defend their lists, but
vainly; and in the conflict that arose, a rubber flew crooked and hit
one of the great West sharply in the back of the neck. He, being under a
misapprehension, thereupon kicked his neighbor savagely, and in a moment
all the profound scholars engaged together in a blind war, rubbing out
one another's lists, whacking one another's heads, and often rolling
by twos and threes beneath the table, from which dictionaries and
inkstands were falling continuously. It was with the greatest difficulty
that I got the gasoline organ between myself and harm's way. Jesse
Willows had mounted upon the table with the still faintly bellowing
Totts, whom he led slowly from one end to the other, amid the clouds of
chalk and the general bedlam.

[Illustration: Jesse had mounted upon the table with the still faintly
bellowing Totts.]

At the first pause which exhaustion brought, Masticator B. Fellows was
perceived to be looking on quietly.

"Gentlemen," he said, "dear friends" (and these words stopped
everything), "I am well pleased with what you have accomplished. I
expected results, and I have got them. The surgeon awaits you in the
House of Bandages."

No serious wounds were found; but also no scholar was found to be upon
speaking terms with any other. By the generosity of Masticator each was
sent home separately in a private car, on a special train, with plenty
of chickle.

Masticator had created all the publicity that he desired. New students
swarmed in armies to his University, and he presently issued a billion
more shares of Chickle common. The press of the whole country rang with
the enterprise.

SIMPLE SPELLERS WED

was one of the first headlines that greeted me upon my homeward journey.
Yes; Jesse Willows and Gertrude Appleby were the exceptions; these two
scholars had gone away in the same car together to their honeymoon,
while I returned lonely to the index of my forthcoming volume.

Heigho!

End of Project Gutenberg's How Doth th