on--the last word on--on--well, now,
really, it escapes me, Professor," he finished, turning his wide, gentle
smile upon the newcomer, who glared at him angrily, and announced with
unnecessary loudness:--

"Nostalgia in the Lobster."

"Thank you, Professor," said Kibosh; "thank you kindly. I think lunch is
now awaiting us in the House of Bread."

After brief preparation in the rooms assigned to us, we lunched with the
students; and, as I passed down the hall, I saw Totts and Egghorn
signing their respective volumes for Miss Appleby.

[Illustration: Professors Totts and Egghorn signing their respective
works.]

"So quickly unpacked?" I asked her.

"Dear, no!" she returned. "Professor Willows easily bought them for me
at the University Book Shop."

"I have but one complaint against your exquisite deceit," I said to her.
"Why did you leave me out?"

"Ah!" she said, "who could deceive you?"

I strove, but unsuccessfully, to occupy a seat beside her at table; it
was Jesse Willows who got it, the other being taken by Egghorn, while
Totts placed himself opposite. Napoleon preferred men with great noses,
but that of Totts would have pleased him too well, I think; and Totts
blew it continually. It was my hope that supper, or dinner, or whatever
they called the next meal, would not be served with the distressing
rapidity of this one; one had barely the time to swallow, and the food
went whole down one's throat; but the next meal, and all meals, were the
same, and, had our convention lasted longer than it did, I should have
fallen victim to a grave dyspepsia. This, I learned, was another
instance of the vast genius of Masticator B. Fellows: while educating
his students, he created in them the need for the product of his own
monopoly. He gave them no time to chew at their meals, and chickle was
served free in all the houses. For chewing, at some time or other, is
necessary to digestion, and among the thousands at Chickle University I
saw not one anywhere, boy or girl, whose mouth was not going like a slow
rabbit's; and to judge from the universal oscillatory motion of the jaws
of the American people in trains and all public places, I see they are
learning that great economic principle of Masticator's, which is
announced everywhere in the street cars:--

TIME IS MONEY

He who chickles
Saves his nickles--

nickles being the simple spelling of nickels.

This great man allowed us at length to see him ne