irty-one hours left to be a bird in; and after
that--(_shuddering_)--after _that_, KROGSTAD will let the cat out of
the bag! [_Curtain._

N.B.--The final Act,--containing scenes of thrilling and realistic
intensity, worked out with a masterly insight and command
of psychology, the whole to conclude with a new and original
_denoument_--unavoidably postponed to a future number. No money
returned.

* * * * *

TAKING THE CENSUS.

(_A STORY OF THE 6TH OF APRIL, 1891._)

[Illustration]

As I have but a limited holding in the Temple, and, moreover, slept
on the evening of the 5th of April at Burmah Gardens, I considered
it right and proper to fill in the paper left me by the "Appointed
Enumerator" at the latter address. And here I may say that the title
of the subordinate officer intrusted with the addition of my household
to the compilation of the Census pleased me greatly--"Appointed
Enumerator" was distinctly good. I should have been willing (of course
for an appropriate _honorarium_) to have accepted so well-sounding an
appointment myself. To continue, the general tone of the instructions
"to the Occupier" was excellent. Such words as "erroneous,"
"specification," and the like, appeared frequently, and must have been
pleasant strangers to the householder who was authorised to employ
some person other than himself to write, "if unable to do so himself."
To be captious, I might have been better pleased had the housemaid who
handed me the schedule been spared the smile provoked by finding me
addressed by the "Appointed Enumerator" as "Mr. BEEFLESS," instead of
"Mr. BRIEFLESS." But this was a small matter.

I need scarcely say that I took infinite pains to fill in my paper
accurately. I have great sympathy with the "Census (England and Wales)
Act, 1890," and wished, so far as I was personally concerned, to carry
out its object to the fullest extent attainable. I had no difficulty
about inserting my own "name and surname," and "profession or
occupation." I rather hesitated, however, to describe myself as an
"employer," because the "examples of the mode of filling-up" rather
suggested that domestic servants were not to count, and for the
rest my share in the time of PORTINGTON, to say the least, is rather
shadowy. For instance, I could hardly fairly suggest that in regard
to the services of my excellent and admirable clerk, I am as great an
employer of labour as, say, the head of a firm o