ll it aright square deal!" sez he.

* * * * *

PRESENTED AT COURT.--Acting upon the suggestions made in these columns
a week ago, the Author of _The Volcano_, and the company of the Court
Theatre have effected the most valuable alterations in the play of the
evening. The Second Act now concludes with the interrupted singing of
_The Wolf_, which brings down the Curtain with a roar of laughter, and
the Third Act is also generally improved. Mrs. JOHN WOOD is seen at
her best as the interviewing lady-journalist, which is condensing in a
sentence a volume of praise. Mr. ARTHUR CECIL, as the Duke, is equally
admirable; and Mr. WEEDON GROSSMITH, although scarcely in his element
as a Member of Parliament of noble birth, is distinctly amusing.
Altogether, _The Volcano_ causes explosions of merriment in all parts
of the house, and has entirely escaped the once-impending danger of
fizzling out like a damp squib.

* * * * *

[Illustration: A FAIR EXCHANGE.

UNCLE SAM. "SEE HERE, UMBERTO!--GIVE US BACK YOUR '_MINISTER_,' AND
TAKE AWAY THAT DARN'D '_MAFIA_,' AND WE'LL CALL IT A SQUARE DEAL!"]

* * * * *

A COMPLAINT OF THE CENSUS.

(_BY A DISAPPOINTED DUKE._)

[For the first time the sixth column in the Census Schedule is
simply headed "Profession or Occupation."]

Oh! I'm a reg'lar rightdown Duke:
The trying part I act and look
Right nobly, so they tell me.
Yet I would have you understand
Why I am thoroughly unmanned
At what of late befell me.

A week or something less ago,
A schedule came to let me know
The Census Day was Sunday.
The many details, one and all,
Must he filled in, and then they'd call
To fetch it on the Monday.

I found it easy to contrive
To answer columns one to five--
I filled them up discreetly;
But when I came to column six
I got into an awful fix,
And lost my head completely.

For "Rank" alas! had disappeared.
I'd never for an instant feared
It wouldn't really be there.
Your "Occupation" you could state,
"Profession," too, you might relate,
But I--a Duke--had neither!

His Grace the Duke of PLAZA-TOR'
Would call himself, I'm pretty sure,
A "public entertainer."
But I and my blue-blooded wife,
We lead a simple blameless life,
No life could well be plainer.

In such a plight what could I do?
I searc