y his casting vote would go.

"Friends all," said. Mr. Flodden, "we've kep' ourselves respectable in
this village. Even our guys have been respectable, though, mind you,
that LLOYD GEORGE--well, if it wasn't wartime, I'd say he come precious
near the line. Now what's the good of us letting ourselves down to burn
these 'Uns? What about old GUY FAWKES? I grant you he wanted to blow up
the 'Ouses of Parliament; but, if there was licensing bills in those
days, I don't blame him. I say stick to old GUY and be respectable."

It was carried unanimously.

Somewhere in his rush from theatre to theatre of the war a message will
reach the KAISER. The hatred of a world may flatter him, but the cold,
chilling contempt of Little Pilswick will pierce to his very heart.

* * * * *

Illustration: OBVIOUS EMBARRASSMENT OF LITTLE BINKS, WHO HAS INJURED
HIS HAND IN THE PEACEFUL OCCUPATION OF PICTURE-HANGING, AT BEING
MISTAKEN FOR A WOUNDED HERO.

* * * * *

THE REPORT FALLACIOUS.

I have a son, William. But there are compensations; he is at school.

It was at the crisis of parting at the station that it seemed to me
necessary to give William a word of parental advice. I hate seeing small
boys at such moments stuffing themselves in refreshment-rooms.

"William," I said, "life is not all cricket and football."

"No, father" replied William, looking hard at the refreshment-room,
"there's golf."

"That, William, is scarcely a game. I should describe it in my own case
as an exercise taken under medical advice, to obtain relief from
business strain."

"Father," burst out William, "there's Cheffins minor in the
refreshment-room."

"William," I proceeded, "at the end of each term I receive an
unsatisfactory report about you from your house-master. It is only then
that I know you have wasted three months of golden time." ("Golden time"
was a happy inspiration.)

"Old Starks is a rotter," said William briefly.

"Now I put you on your honour, William, to send me a truthful report of
your progress at the half-term. Then if you are not doing well I can
write and ask that you should have special attention. On your honour,
mind."

"Yes, father. Shall we go across to the refreshment-room now?"

"Ah, yes, certainly," I said, noticing a signal drop. "Oh, no; here's
your train coming in."

Then having done my duty I forgot all about the promised report. It
arrived unexpect