distraction. I have heard of more than one case of a
well-known herculean player, accustomed not only to big money but
applause and hero-worship, seriously wondering if fighting were not his
real duty and if he ought not to make a bolt for the Front, but being
compelled to acquiesce in the Government's plans and go on drawing his
salary for the public pursuit of an air-bladder. This shows you to what
a pass things have come.

There are also hundreds of young actors in London alone who are being
forcibly kept in the country to go on entertaining and playing the fool
for the same sedative purpose. These youths are all healthy and fit, but
it is held that their true function is to work in the theatres and halls
to beguile the audiences and divert their thoughts from the terrible
reality of German invasion. With each step that the Germans draw nearer
the mummers redouble their efforts to excite laughter. Thus did NERO
fiddle.

The terror produced by your nerve-racking Zeppelins is constant. Hardly
a soul is now to be seen in the streets of London. Everyone is below the
earth, in the Tubes and subways, which are packed by white and trembling
crowds. Every cellar is congested, the top floors having been wholly
abandoned. As a sign of the times I may tell you that a Company, called
the Aerated Dread Co., has been formed to provide iron suits for those
who can afford them, and on the Board of Directors are both the PRIME
MINISTER and Sir EDWARD GREY. So awful is the agitation from which
everyone here is suffering under the Zeppelin menace that the noise of a
tyre bursting in the street often prostrates as many as forty
passers-by.

No more to-day, my friend. I will write again soon and add to the
melancholy picture of a once powerful nation shuddering with craven
fears.

Give my love to your dear children.

Your devoted K---- L----.

* * * * *

"On the sea dyke the Germans have posted heavy artillery.... They
have also posted gunes in the dunes."--_South Wales Echo._

This settles us. We shall now begin our War Poem.

* * * * *

Illustration: FROM THE RECRUIT'S POINT OF VIEW.

_Sergeant._ "FORM FOURS!" "AS YOU WERE! FORM FOURS!!" "_As you were!!_
FORM FOURS!!!" "***!!! *****!!!!"

* * * * *

ARCHIBONG.

[Encouraged by the example of some eminent followers of TYRTAEUS,
_Mr. Punch_ has great pleasure in