to
rescue a mere visitor, but still one ploughman with a ladder would have
been ample.

Soon words floated up to me from the mouth of the leading rescuer. "I'll
learn him!" he was saying with fervour. "I'll learn him to come
German-spying round my orchard!"

Balaam or no Balaam, I drew the line at being assegaied to death as a
Teuton spy, so I dropped the cage with a bang and, clinging to the end
of my branch, I at last succeeded in gaining the ground in moderate
safety.

When I had finished explaining about Balaam, they were convinced, though
evidently disappointed.

"You see," explained the Vicar, prodding the apple-tree regretfully with
his assegai, "poor Miss Tittlepatter said that she had been attacked by
German spies from this very orchard."

At the third prod of the Vicar's assegai, a brown-and-yellow bird flew
self-consciously from the top of the apple-tree and perched in full view
on a five-barred gate.

"There he is!" I hissed, moving stealthily forward with the remains of
the birdcage. "There's Balaam the canary!"

"Kenary!" contemptuously remarked the rescuer who had been so anxious to
undertake the education of Teutonic spies. "That ain't no kenary; that's
a bloomin' yellow'ammer!"

* * *

When, a dishevelled wreck, I reached my own gateway, I was met in the
drive by Eileen.

"It's all right after all," she remarked cheerfully. "The stupid bird
was on the curtain pole all the time. So lucky, because, if he _had_ got
out, it would have meant an awful bother. And, I say, is it true that
they've caught a German spy down in the village?"

* * * * *

Illustration: _Salesman._ "NO, SIR, NEITHER OF THESE MASKS WAS MADE IN
GERMANY."

* * * * *

In aid of the Arts Fund for the relief of the many members of the
artistic professions who are in distress owing to the War, a _Matinee_
under the patronage of QUEEN ALEXANDRA will be given at the Royal Opera
House, Covent Garden, on Thursday, Nov. 5, at 3 o'clock. Mr. THOMAS
BEECHAM will produce Bach's _Phoebus and Pan_, and Mr. GRANVILLE
BARKER will produce _Philip the King_, a new play by Mr. JOHN MASEFIELD.
_Mr. Punch_ very heartily commends the cause to his readers.

* * * * *

Illustration:

_Huntsman._ "BLANKETY-BLANK THAT BLOOMIN' KAISER! I WISH MY 'OUNDS 'AD
'IM!"

_Farmer._ "WHAT'S 'E BIN DOIN' TO YOU NOW, JACK?"

_Huntsman._ "DOIN'? JUST