ing back here, found among our guests a bright
little Cockney who's been what she calls an up-and-down girl in the
Royal Palace at Bashbang, the capital of Rowdydaria. My dearest, the
things that girl has climbed over and crawled under, and the weather
she's come through, in escaping from the Rowdydarians and getting back
here! And the things she's seen and heard in the Palace! It will throw a
flood of light on all sorts of things, and will certainly make our F.O.
sit up.

With the help of a clever photographer and some imagination we've
reconstructed the up-and-down girl's adventures quite nicely. There are
photos of the King of Rowdydaria as head of his own army; in his uniform
as Colonel of the Hun Raeuberundmoerder Regiment; and in the Arab burnous
in which he is to lead an attack on Egypt. There's a photo of the
up-and-down girl sweeping a passage and listening through a key-hole to
a wonderful conversation between the King of R. and an Emperor who'd
come to see him (luckily it was in English and she remembers every
word): "You've got to say _you_ did it." "But I haven't got any navy--I
_couldn't_ have done it." "I'll give you the submarine that did it--or
_lend_ it to you. There! now it's yours--for a time. _You_ don't depend
on the Neutralians for any supplies. So you can afford to tell them you
did it--and be quick about it." "But you can't expect even the
_Neutralians_ to swallow that!" "Why, you fool, they'd swallow anything!
That's the meaning of their phrase 'rubber-neck.'" There's a photo of
the Queen of Rowdydaria coming up at this point, snatching the broom
away, and beating the up-and-down girl with it, and calling her "Spying
English Pig." Altogether, my dear, it's positively enthralling! Order
your copy early, for people will be slaying each other for this book.
_Astounding Disclosures of an Up-and-down Girl in the Royal Palace at
Bashbang_ will certainly quite _quite_ eclipse those two other
sensations, _What a Buttons Overheard in the Imperial Pickelhaube
Schloss_ and _Amazing Revelations of a Tweeny in the Perhapsburg Hof_.

Ever thine,
BLANCHE.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "I SAY, OLD GIRL, DO LET ME CARRY SOMETHING."]

* * * * *

How to put People at their Ease.

"The officer in command, Lieut. Berg, was exceedingly
pleasant, and did all in his power to put the passengers
at their ease and make them feel c