A MAN HERE THAT CAN KNOCK SPOTS OFF YOU!"]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

(EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.)

THE LAST CHAPTER.

_House of Commons, Tuesday, 15th February._--After, on nomination of my
revered master, Mr. Punch, representing Barkshire in the Commons during
three reigns, under nine Parliaments, captained in succession by six
Premiers, come to conclusion that I have earned the right to retire. Two
ways of voluntarily vacating a seat. One by a call to the Lords. The
other by application for Chiltern Hundreds. Not having heard anything
about the Peerage, have adopted latter course. The MEMBER FOR SARK,
loyal to the last, insists on following my example.

Accordingly, when House meets to-morrow, writs will be moved for
elections to fill two vacancies. In ordinary times this would lead to
interesting episode. Customary for the Chief Party Whip to move for writ
to fill casual vacancies in his ranks. Would the Ministerial Whip or the
Opposition Whip come forward to take preliminary step for elections
consequent on retirement of the MEMBER FOR BARKS and the MEMBER FOR
SARK?

The closest observer of Parliamentary procedure or comment is not sure
whether in Party politics they are Liberals or Conservatives. Cannot
indeed say on which side of the House they sit. As it happens there is
at this doubly memorable date no division of parties, consequently no
contending Whips. Writs for Barks and Sark will accordingly be
appropriately moved by Whip representing united House.

Thirty-five years ago Barks first sent me to Westminster. Of Cabinet
Ministers then seated on Treasury Bench none are alive to-day.
GLADSTONE, just returned by overwhelming majority, was Premier;
GRANVILLE, with consummate skill and dainty humour, led minority
supporting Government in House of Lords; HARCOURT was at the Home
Office; HARTINGTON, Secretary of State for War; CHILDERS at the
Treasury; KIMBERLEY at the India Office; at the Irish Office FORSTER,
with his rumpled hair, his rugged speech and his gruff manner, "the best
Stage Yorkshireman of his time."

Much history has been made since that time. Procedure in the Commons has
been revolutionised, with the result not only of accelerating ordinary
business and leading to final issue controversies futilely raging for
years, but radically altering personal tone and manner of Mother of
Parliaments.

That is another story, too lengthy to be tol