d say _the_ Bath; let us above all things be
atmospheric! As her ladyship had a most eligible son, and as
_Barbara_--the chit!--naturally hadn't a guinea, I own I was slightly
astonished to find the dowager positively hurling the young couple at
each other's heads. However, doubtless _Lady Conyers_, as herself a
novel-reader, knew that the thing was inevitable anyway. But before this
there were of course the misunderstandings. _Mistress Barbara_ had, in
the violin days, a half-brother and this gentleman very obligingly turns
up _incognito_ at Conyers End, and even goes to the expense of hiring
rooms in a cottage on the estate, for no other purpose in life than that
his conspicuously clandestine meetings with the fair _Barbara_ should be
misconstrued as an assignation. Ha! out, rapiers! and let us be ready
for the moment when _Barbara_, rushing between the combatants, receives
in her own bosom the blade intended for ----, etc. But of course not
enough blade to endanger the happy ending. So there you are. A placid,
undistinguished tale, that may be commended as nourishment or soporific
according to the taste and fancy of the reader.

* * * * *

[Illustration: ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF PRUSSIAN EFFRONTERY.

_Officer of Zeppelin_ (_in perfect English._) "WOULD YOU
KINDLY DIRECT ME TO THE WAR OFFICE?"]

* * * * *

An Optimist.

"Gentlewoman, bright, owing to War, offers Companionship
in Return for hospitality, laundry, and travelling
expenses."

_Morning Paper._

* * * * *

"An attack on the compulsory vice bill now before the
House of Lords was made by the president of the
conference, William C. Anderson."--_New York Globe._

Our American contemporary is misinformed. The measure in question seeks
to make virtue compulsory--the virtue of patriotism.

* * * * *

"The following French official communique was issued
this afternoon:--3.25.--Bouton Rouge 1, Dordogne 2,
Kitch 3. Eight ran."--_Evening Times and Echo._

We are sorry that K. OF K. didn't do better.

***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, VOL.
150, FEBRUARY 16, 1916***

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