ghtening them out
of their skins by jumping out from behind a door and saying "Boo."

* * *

Mr. WILLIAM AIRD, the germ-proof man, has been giving demonstrations in
London. It is reported that last week a germ snapped at him and broke
off two of its teeth.

* * *

"In New York the other day," says a contemporary, "the sky kept
streaming silver sheen; mistlike lights pulsated in rapid flashes to the
apex and piled-up stars could be seen." The fact that New York can still
see things like this must be a sorry blow to the Prohibitionists.

* * *

"Working men have been hit very hard by the tyrannical Budget,"
announces a morning paper. We too are in sympathy with those miners who
are now faced with only one bottle of champagne a day.

* * *

"These cotton boom profits," said the President of the Textile Institute
recently, "are abnormal and unhealthy." The Manchester man, however, who
recently came out with innumerable spots resembling half-crowns as the
result of the boom, declares that no inconvenience is suffered once the
dizziness has passed away.

* * *

From Bungay in Suffolk comes the news that a water-wagtail has built its
nest in a milk-can. We resolutely refrain from comment.

* * *

A youth recently arrested in Dublin was found not to have a revolver on
him. He is being detained for a medical examination.

* * *

A great many people are committing suicide, says the Vicar of St.
Mathew's, Portsmouth, because they have nothing to live for. We
disagree. _The Weekly Dispatch's_ accounts of the next world are well
worth staying alive for.

* * *

Airships under construction, declares Air-Commodore E. M. MAITLAND, will
make the passage to Australia in nine and a-half days. In tax-paying
circles it is said that the fashionable thing will be to start now and
let the airship overtake you if it can.

* * *

More than a million Americans, it is stated, are preparing to visit
Europe this summer. It is thought that there is at least a sporting
chance that some of them will be hoist with their own bacon.

* * *

"The man who does not know Latin," says the Dean of DURHAM, "is not
really educated." Several uneducated business men are said to have
written to the DEAN asking the Latin for what they think of the new
Budget.

* * *

At a recent wedding in Tyrone young men who had come to wish the bride
and bridegroom luck li