ix she revealed a peculiar joy
In the taste of old brandy, and dressed like a boy;
At eight she had read CASANOVA, CELLINI,
And driven a toasting-fork into a tweeny;
At ten she indited and published a story
Described by _The Leadenhall News_ as "too gory."
One governess after another was tried,
But none of them stopped and one suddenly died.
Then she went for a while to a wonderful school
Which was run on the plan of the late Mrs. BOOLE;
But no "ethical safeguards" could ever restrain
So impulsive a heart and so fertile a brain;
And a fire, for the kindling of which she was held
Responsible, led to her being expelled.

On the strength of her fine pyromaniac rage
For a season or two she appeared on the stage;
Her dancing was crude and her voice was a blank,
But she carried it off by superlative swank,
And married a swarthy and elderly milli-
Onaire who was killed in an earthquake in Chile.
A militant during the Suffrage campaign,
In the War she adopted the cause of Sinn Fein,
And, according to credible witness, was seen
In the thick of the fighting at Easter, '16.
Escaping arrest by a dexterous dodge
She became a disciple of OLIVER LODGE,
Gave lectures on Swedish and Swiss callisthenics,
Eurhythmics (DALCROZE) and Ukrainian eugenics.
Last, married in haste to a Bolshevist don,
She dyed her hair green and was painted by JOHN,
Eloped with a squat anthropophagous Dago
And finds a fit home in Tierra del Fuego.

* * * * *

"TEMPERANCE WOMEN OF ALL LANDS.

ONE PROPOSES KNEELING OUTSIDE HOUSE OF COMMONS."

_"Star" Headlines._

We have read the article carefully, but the Member to whom this
Leap-Year proposal was made is not mentioned.

* * * * *

[Illustration: IN A CUSHY CAUSE.

OVER-SHORN SHEEP. "OH, SO _THAT'S_ WHERE IT GOES TO, IS
IT?"]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

_Monday, April 19th._--Primrose day in the House of Commons was more
honoured in the breach than the observance. Barely a dozen Members
sported Lord BEACONFIELD'S favourite flower (for salads), and one of
them found himself so uncomfortably conspicuous that shortly after the
proceedings opened he furtively transferred his buttonhole to his
coat-pocket. Among those who remained faithful were Lord LAMBOURNE (in
the Peers' Gallery), who had for this occasion subs