t a fire against the door, blocked the chimney
with straw, broke the windows, threw water and cayenne-pepper on the
wedding-party and bombarded the house with stones for two hours. It is
just this joyous, care-free nature of the Irish that the stolid
Englishman will never learn to appreciate.

* * *

We understand that the man who tried to gain admission to the Zoo on
Sunday by making a noise like a Fellow of the Zoological Society was
detected in the act.

* * *

A person who recently attempted to commit suicide by lying down on the
Caledonian Railway line was found to have a razor in one pocket and a
bottle of laudanum in the other. The Company, we understand, strenuously
deny the necessity of these alternatives.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Lady_ (_to manager of Servants'
Registry_). "I WISH TO OBTAIN A NEW GOVERNESS."

_Manager._ "WELL, MADAM, YOU REMEMBER WE SUPPLIED YOU
WITH ONE ONLY LAST WEEK, BUT, JUDGING BY THE REPORT WE
HAVE RECEIVED, WHAT YOU REALLY NEED IS A LION-TAMER."]

* * * * *

A Callous Crowd.

"The christening ceremony was performed by Lady Maclay,
wife of the Shipping Controller. Thousands of people saw
her go down the slips, and cheers were raised as she
took the water without the slightest hitch." _Daily
News._

We gather from the expression, "without the slightest hitch," that not
one of the onlookers made any effort to save the lady.

* * * * *

THOUGHTS ON THE BUDGET.

BY A PATRIOT.

THIS twelvemonth at the grindstone I have ground,
Toiling to meet the toll of profiteers,
And now comes AUSTEN, budgeting around,
"Comes the blind Fury with the abhorred shears"
(MILTON), and leaves me naked as a poodle,
Shorn--to the buff--of my laborious boodle.

I own it irks me little when he goes
For fancy weeds and wine of fizzy brands;
But I protest at parting through the nose
For what the meanest human life demands;
Nothing is sacred from his monstrous paw,
Not letters, no, nor even usquebaugh.

That beverage, which invites to balmy sleep
(Guerdon of toil), is on the upward ramp;
My harmless doggerel--in itself so cheap--
Despatched by post will want a larger stamp;
Nor have I any wives or children to
Abate the mulcting of my revenue.

But if you tell me I am asked to bleed
For E