in some ways, seems likely
to disturb quiet households. And I've fifty-nine more photos to look at!
[_Retires to Study, succumbs to slumber._

* * * * *

_SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER_ has been announced as in preparation at the
Criterion and the Vaudeville. Miss MARY MOORE v. Miss WINIFRED EMERY as
_Miss Hardcastle_. Which is to "stoop," and which to "conquer?" Why not
run it at both Houses?--and, to decide, call in a jury of "the
GOLDSMITH'S Company."

* * * * *

THE MAYFAIR ROW.--GOODE, BAIRD, and very indifferent.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE IMPERIAL SOCIALIST.

_A Song of the Situation._ _AIR--"The King and I"._ _Socialist Workman
sings_:--

_Emperor._ "I'M ONE OF YOU!" _Socialist._ "ALL RIGHT, MATE. THEN--TAKE
OFF YOUR CROWN!"]

The Kaiser swears that he can work;
So can I! So can I!
Strain and long hours he will not shirk.
Nor do I, nor do I.
But he may work at his sweet will;
So they say, so they say.
Whilst I must toil my pouch to fill;
A long day, a long day!
So there's _some_ difference I see
Betwixt the Emperor and me.

He hath his army and his ships;
Great are they! Great are they!
Their price, which my lean pocket nips,
I must pay, I must pay.
Yet here he comes to grip my hand;
That's his plan, that's his plan;
And at my side to take his stand,
Working-man, working-man!
Strange that such likeness there should be
Betwixt the Emperor and me!

BISMARCK, it seems, he does not trust;
Nor do I, nor do I.
He thinks the toiler's claims are just;
So do I, so do I.
He's called a Conference of Kings,
Novel scheme, novel scheme!
To talk of Socialistic things--
Pleasant dream, pleasant dream!
What difference, now, would KARL MARX see
Betwixt my Emperor and me?

The "International" they banned.
_That_ was vile, _that_ was vile.
But now a similar thing _they've_ planned,
Makes me smile, makes me smile.
Labour world-over they'll discuss,
Far and near, far and near.
Will it all end in futile fuss?
That's my fear, that's my fear.
A difference of view I see
Betwixt the Emperor and me.

But here he comes to grip my fist,
Fair and free, fair and free.
Thinks he the chance I can't resist?
We shall see, we shall see.
I wear the Cap and he the Cr