suttenly wasn't my fault. My directions was as clear as daylight. "Dark
morning, dark blew carnt lose." And wosent it a dark morning? and wosent
it luvly arterwuds? Any of my winners may send my 5 per sent commishun
to the hoffice as ushal, and they will all receve a copy of my emortle
Book by post.

It was a puffeckly lovely race! fust Cambridge got fust, then Hoxford
got fust and Cambridge second, and so on all through, but in course
Hoxford wun as I proffysized.

I seed all the River Tems Conserwatives, with the Right Honnerabel the
LORD MARE at the hed of 'em all, a laying carmly at rest in their
bootifool Steam Bote, a trying for to look as if they wasn't responsibel
for all the hundreds of thousands of peeple as lined all the banks of
the River a gitting ome safely. Many on 'em I remarked kept on a
disappearing down below ewery now and then, probberbly to seek that
strengthening of the system so werry nessessery under such trying
suckemstances. Upon the hole, I wentures werry humbly to pronounce it to
be one of the werry sucksessfullest races of moddun times, which I
bleeves means about 6 years. ROBERT.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "THE GIFT HORSE."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: TIT FOR TAT.

_Captain Pullem (having just effected a "Swop" with his Friend)._ "NOW,
I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU, OLD MAN. THAT HORSE YOU'VE GOT FROM ME IS A
BIT OF A CRIB-BITER!"

_Friend._ "_Oh, don't mention it, Old Chap. You'll find mine to be a
confirmed Runaway_!"]

* * * * *

SONG SENTIMENTIANA.

(_A Delightful "All-the-Year-Round" Resort for the Fashionable
Composer._)

EXAMPLE II.--SHOWING HOW CURIOUSLY RETENTIVE IS THE LOVER'S MEMORY.

'Tis ninety years ago, love!
It seems but yestermorn
We sat upon the snow, love,
And watch'd the golden corn!
I mind the bitter wind, love--
I mind it well, although
The wind I say I mind, love,
Blew ninety years ago!

The plough stood on the hill, love--
The horse stood in the plough!
And both were standing still, love--
I seem to see them now!
The lamb frisk'd in the glen, love--
A stranger _he_ to _whoa_!
And so was I--but then, love,
'Twas ninety years ago!

The roses by the way, love,
Were large and, oh, so fair!
And so they are to-day, love,
For all I know--or care!
And softly unto thou, love,
While yet among