ly and
bravely to choose whatever line of action seems most likely to lead up
out of the swamp onto higher ground. In any problem which we face, some
of the conditions are almost completely beyond our control. One cannot
do much, for example, to change the kind of mother whom one's husband
has had, to reverse his inherited characteristics, or to cure the
economic depression against which he may have to struggle. But certain
other conditions one _can_ change. Especially, if one will, one can
alter one's own ways of acting, of talking, and even of thinking. The
courageous grappler accepts without despair the unchangeable factors in
his problem and sets about correcting the conditions which _are_ within
his control--especially his own patterns of living.

_5. One may cooperate creatively._ This means that one will still
grapple courageously, but not as a lone wolf. One will seek to
understand the other people who are involved: one's husband or wife,
one's children, one's relatives, one's rivals, and all the other people
who have any part or interest in the family problem. To understand
means to be able to see the situation sympathetically through their
eyes, but without losing perspective. Cooperating creatively means
teamwork. It means discovering what is the best solution for everybody
involved, and then working wholeheartedly toward that solution. The rest
of this article is devoted to outlining some practical steps toward
cooperating creatively when one has fallen out with one's marriage
partner.

If you yourself are confronting difficulties in your marriage, you may
find it helpful to note down each of the following steps on a sheet of
paper and then write in after each step the applications that fit your
own case. See whether you can transpose these suggestions into the terms
of _your_ problem. If you start thinking about what you face, in the
light of these steps, you will probably find new ideas and fresh
possibilities coming into your mind as you write. Those solutions which
spring up in your own thinking may prove to be just the aids which you
need to get a new grip and to start transforming your marriage into a
thing of new beauty, joy, and power.

_Ten Steps To Marital Adjustment_

_1. Abandon all feelings of resentment._ Emotional antagonism toward
one's mate, or toward other personalities in the problem, acts as an
effective barrier against finding the creative solution and against
putting it into effe