e essential desires of each will be fulfilled best if you stay home
tonight to catch up on your sleep, and then go to a movie tomorrow
night. Or perhaps one of you dislikes the idea of any movie at all, but
both of you want to go out for the evening; then doubtless you can find
some other entertainment that will satisfy both.

Somewhere, back of the surface disagreement, lies a deeper agreement if
you will seek it patiently and lovingly. And this applies not only to a
little dispute over movies, but to all the greater controversies that
husband and wife confront. Where shall we move? How shall we get along
on the family income? What religious training shall we give the
children? Shall Mary be permitted to have that Jones boy come to the
house? No matter how perplexing the disagreement may be, there is a best
possible solution for all concerned if we will seek it understandingly
and in the spirit of love.

_8. Surrender nonessentials._ Many a marriage has gone to smash because
husband or wife or both clung as a matter of principle to a point which
could easily have been given up and forgotten if both had centered on
the great underlying essentials. Do not acquiesce ignobly on vital
matters. But do not wreck your own happiness and that of your mate over
some comparatively minor issue that was never worth the tears and the
agony which it caused.

_9. Agree to live and let live._ Cultivate freedom for your mate, your
children, and all the people involved in your family problems. To be
oneself is one of the most precious rights of a human being. We need it
for the fulfillment of our own life. Our loved ones need that same
freedom for the fulfillment of their lives. Now, freedom is not defiance
of law, but voluntary fulfillment of law. The better we understand each
other and the laws of life, the more likely we are to find that freedom
which brings the fullness of joy. By one of those strange paradoxes, we
never fully win the love of our dear ones until we cease demanding it.

_10. Put the welfare of your family first_, and stop fretting about
yourself. Although this rule comes last in our list, it really comes
first in the search for fulfillment of personality in family life. What
do you really want from your mate and your children? Are you after
comfort, security, affection for yourself? Or do you want, above all
things, that these loved comrades of yours shall find the road to the
abundant life--shall experience richly