weeks! Hell!" he said. "I won't be out of here in three years."

IMAGINATION

One day a mother overheard her daughter arguing with a little boy about
their respective ages.

"I am older than you," he said, "'cause my birthday comes first, in May,
and your's don't come till September."

"Of course your birthday comes first," she sneeringly retorted, "but
that is 'cause you came down first. I remember looking at the angels
when they were making you."

The mother instantly summoned her daughter. "It's breaking mother's
heart to hear you tell such awful stories," she said. "Don't you
remember what happened to Ananias and Sapphira?"

"Oh, yes, mamma, I know; they were struck dead for lying. I saw them
carried into the corner drug store!"

IMITATION

Not long ago a company was rehearsing for an open-air performance of _As
You Like It_ near Boston. The garden wherein they were to play was
overlooked by a rising brick edifice.

One afternoon, during a pause in the rehearsal, a voice from the
building exclaimed with the utmost gravity:

"I prithee, malapert, pass me yon brick."

INFANTS

A wife after the divorce, said to her husband: "I am willing to let you
have the baby half the time."

"Good!" said he, rubbing his hands. "Splendid!"

"Yes," she resumed, "you may have him nights."

"Is the baby strong?"

"Well, rather! You know what a tremendous voice he has?"

"Yes."

"Well, he lifts that five or six times an hour!"--_Comic Cuts_.

Recipe for a baby:

Clean and dress a wriggle, add a pint of nearly milk,
Smother with a pillow any sneeze;
Baste with talcum powder and mark upon its back--
"Don't forget that you were one of these."

--_Life_.

INQUISITIVENESS

_See_ Wives.

INSANITY

_See_ Editors; Love.

INSPIRATIONS

She was from Boston, and he was not.

He had spent a harrowing evening discussing authors of whom he knew
nothing, and their books, of which he knew less.

Presently the maiden asked archly: "Of course, you've read 'Romeo and
Juliet?'"

He floundered helplessly for a moment and then, having a brilliant
thought, blurted out, happily:

"I've--I've read Romeo!"

INSTALMENT PLAN

Half the world doesn't know how many things the other half is paying
instalments on.

INSTRUCTIONS

A lively looking porter stood on the rear platform of a sleeping-car in
the Pennsylvania station when a fussy