d bad taste to ask the nigger to make his
statement first. The nigger said that I had insulted his wife, and had
made improper proposals to her; that made me wrathy; I told him that he
was guilty of uttering a falsehood before the court; emphatically
pronounced his assertion relative to my making an insulting proposal to
that feminine lump of animated charcoal, with whom he very properly
cohabited, to be an unequivocal lie; I am no controversalist, and still
less would I descend from my exalted height to engage in a controversy
with that herculean African, especially after enduring the perspiration,
which, despite my frantic efforts to the contrary, I was compelled to
suffer during a hot night, in a cell where any respectable thermometer,
if it could be induced to go into the cell once, if it was anything at
all, would be a hundred at least; yes, sir,' he continued, 'and should
you ever have a morbid desire to enter into controversy, recline your
heated form of a hot night in the cell which I occupied, and by morning
you will insist upon retiring into some secluded spot, from which
secluded spot you can look dispassionately and unmoved upon the moral
strifes of the world.

"'Well, the up-shot of the matter was that both of us were discharged.'

"I gave Mr. Buxton what consolation I could, after which he took his
departure to put on a new collar."

When Mr. Spout had concluded his narration, he proceeded to awaken such
of the members of the club as were still present, telling them that it
was time to go home. But he did not succeed in fully arousing them to an
appreciation of the lateness of the hour, until he had put ice into
their boot-legs and shirt-bosoms.

THE CLUB IN AN UPROAR.

Now doth the little busy bee
Improve each shining hour
And gather honey all the day
From every opening--

[Illustration]

TOWARDS nine o'clock one evening, the members of the club had casually
convened in the club-room, although no notice had been given that they
were to assemble on that occasion. The only absentee was Johnny Cake,
but this created no surprise, as the wonder was, not why any member was
absent, but why so many were present.

An hour was passed in discussing the current events of the day, when
some member suggested, that if anybody had anything to offer, either
amusing or instructive, an excellent opportunity was now afforded.

It so happened that Mr. Remington Dropper had in his pocket a q