en, I was not furious, I was perfectly cool; but when I jumped
over that counter, and laid hands on that red-haired clerk, I will admit
that it was my calmly-settled intention to eat that red-haired clerk for
luncheon, notwithstanding his cock-eye. A hasty glance at the mud on his
boots, and the metal buttons on his coat-tails, caused me to alter my
original amiable intention, and I made up my mind to be gentle with him,
and merely whip him so his mother wouldn't be able to tell him from a
Little Neck clam on a large scale, and then leave him to live through it
if he could.

"I struck him once, and he laid down in a corner among some bottles,
with his head in the gas-meter, and in one minute from that time he was
one universal damage.

"The proprietor being done for, I proceeded to demolish the
establishment; I didn't leave, of the chairs, tables, and desks, a piece
big enough to make a bird-cage, and having turned on all the gas, I was
seriously debating whether I should not set the whole shop on fire, and
sue for the insurance, when the two Irishmen, whom I had engaged to work
my farm, made their appearance. I told them to clear out, to budge,
move on, leave, but they evidently took me for a swindler, and were
bound to pay me off. They pitched into me; our amiable struggle to put
each other's eyes out attracted a crowd; the muss became general;
everybody went in, and before the policemen came there was considerable
music. Nobody was bashful, and the result was four interesting cases of
black eye, a pathetic instance of demolished nose, two lovely examples
of swelled head, an agreeable specimen of peeled shin, seven
illustrations of the beautifying power of finger-nails, when forcibly
applied to the physiognomy, and three convincing exemplifications of the
power of the Irish fist in extracting opposing teeth, without the aid of
forceps or turnkey. The police came at last, and arrested the entire
multitude. That night we slept in the station-house. I don't want to say
anything against the bunks in that station-house, but this I _do_ say,
that if there ever is a bed-bug convention, and that station-house is
not well represented, it won't be because any lack of population
deprives them of the right to a strong delegation; and if, at any
national mass meeting of fleas, they stand in need of ten or fifteen
thousand to make up a quorum, the station-house of that ward can supply
them, without any perceptible decrease of its