I did into inebriation, but let me question now
the Court; is it not a palliation of the depth of human guilt if malice
don't incite to break in divers fragments State laws wrong or right, and
when only human appetite, uncontrolled by human reason leads men of
genius, oftentime, the dish of life to season with condiments which _pro
tem._ the mental palate tickle, yet very often, in the end, put human
joys in pickle which ain't so cussed funny; though all of the expense of
grub and the _et ceteras_ the public pays for; hence, I ask this Court
(believing that its feelings are not hampered) if justice should not
ever be with human mercy tempered?

"_Judge._--Perhaps. Now, tell me, Warbler, where you bought your liquor.

"_Mr. W._--Anon I'll tell you. Last week, Judge, prostrate was I, far
sicker than to me's agreeable, with the diarrhea chronic, and
sympathizing friends advised that I should take some tonic. I asked them
what: at once they said, 'Get some lager-bier.' 'Twas got. 'Drink
freely, boy,' said they, 'nothing need you fear, but you'll be up and on
your legs.' The lager-bier 'was took;' soon every object in my sight had
a very drunken look. Lager-bier (to German ears the words may be
euphonic.) Tonic, certainly, it was, but decidedly too--tonic. Abnormal
thirst excited it, and I went to great excesses (the statement's quite
superfluous, my nose the fact confesses). Last night, attracted by the
scenes which Gotham's streets present, I dressed myself in sombre
clothes, and out of doors I went; to quench my thirst did I imbibe the
more of lager-bier at Hoffman's on the corner, several squares from
here. No more know I, 'cept in the morn I wakened from my sleep, and
having sowed, perhaps I'll learn that likewise I must reap.

"_Judge._--Have you got ten dollars?

"_Mr. W._--'Tis true, I hain't a red; I suppose the words unpleasant
which next to me'll be said; that because by my imprudence my
pocket-book's collapsed, in prison drear must I remain till ten days
have elapsed.

"_Judge._--I'll let you go this time.

"_Mr. Warbler._--Ha, say you so? Is't true, that though my offence is
rank, in vain I did not sue for mercy; ne'er 'll I fail to say both
through thin and thick in the circle of my acquaintance that you're a
perfect brick.

"Mr. Wallabout Warbler left the room."

Mr. Van Dam announced that he had visited the Jefferson Market Police
Court one morning, and though there was much in the proceedings that