us with a groom, whose wife cooks. The groom himself
has waited at table occasionally. At first he says "Woa" to the
vegetables and the sauces. He cannons against the butler, and tells the
dogs to "get out, carn't yer!" After a few days he is in good training.

[Illustration: OUR GROOM.]

Byrton brings a soldier-servant who will only attend to his master.

The Chertons have a ladies' maid, who affects the latest fashion, but is
a failure in gloves.

[Illustration: THE CHERTONS' MAID.]

Mrs. Boodels' maid is an elderly female. The vinegar in the kitchen
salad.

[Illustration: MRS. BOODELS' MAID.]

We engage, on her recommendation, a housemaid, and a charwoman of
irreproachable antecedents.

Chilvern, who gives himself a holiday, brings his clerk, a sharp little
fellow of sixteen, to clean the boots, and render himself generally
useful. The first day he was impudent to Mrs. Boodels' maid, and was
thrashed by Byrton's servant. He is now quiet and subservient.

[Illustration: OUR PRETTY PAGE.]

CHAPTER VIII.

A MORNING DISCUSSION.

ON DEAFNESS--ESCAPES--BUTTONHOLED--A DISCUSSION--MORNING LOST--RAGE
--DESPAIR.

"Deaf people are very happy," says Boodels, thoughtfully.

"Perhaps," replies the Professor of Scientific Economy; "a deaf person
can gain no information from conversation."

"Who does?" asks Bella, pertly.

"Who finds mushrooms in a field?" asks Chilvern, who has been engaged in
this lately.

"Give it up," says Milburd. That's the worst of Milburd, when a
conversation is beginning to promise some results, he nips it in the bud
with the frost of his nonsense.

Bella asks what Mr. Chilvern was going to say. He has nearly
forgotten, but recalls it to his mind, on Cazell repeating the word
mushrooms.

"Ah, yes," says Chilvern, evidently feeling that the brilliancy of his
simile has been taken off by the interruption. "I was going to say _a
propos_ of Miss Bella's remark about no one gaining any information from
conversation----"

"I didn't say _that_, Mr. Chilvern."

No, of course not. We all side with Miss Bella.

Chilvern nowhere. "Ah, well," he says, "I thought you did."

"And if I had?" asks Miss Bella, triumphantly.

"Eh!--well, if you _had_--" Chilvern meditates, and then answers, "--if
you had, why then I was going to say that ...." here he breaks off and
finishes, "--well, it doesn't matt