* * *

We are asked to deny the rumour that Sir PHILIP SASSOON has been appointed
touring manager to the Peace Conference.

* * *

A Newbury man has succeeded in breeding pink-coated tame rats. It is said
that the Prohibitionists hope to exterminate these, as they did the green
ones.

* * *

A blunder of thirty million pounds in the estimates for British operations
in Russia is revealed in a White Paper. It is expected that the Government
will bequeath it to the nation.

* * *

Owing to the high cost of material we understand that a certain pill is
to-day worth L1 11s. 6d. a box.

* * *

The Sinn Feiners now threaten to capture one of our new battleships. We
sincerely hope that the Government will place a caretaker on board each of
our most valuable Dreadnoughts.

* * *

A Lanarkshire magistrate the other day doubted whether a miner could
remember details of an accident which happened two years ago. It is said
that the miner had vivid recollections of the affair as it happened to be
the day he was at work.

* * *

It is urged that all taxi-cabs should have a cowcatcher in front in case of
accidents. We gather that the drivers are quite willing provided they are
allowed to charge for anyone they pick up as an "extra."

* * *

It is reported that the muzzling order may come into force again in South
Wales. We understand that a dog which thoughtlessly attempted to bark in
Welsh in the main street of Cardiff was responsible for the belief that
rabies had broken out again.

* * *

During a brass-band contest a few days ago three members of the winning
band were taken ill just after they had finished playing. It was at first
feared that they had overblown themselves.

* * *

"A true lover of nature is nowadays very hard to find," complains a writer
in a Nature journal. Yet we know a golfer who always shouts "Fore!" on
slicing a ball into a spinney.

* * *

The two African lions which escaped from the Zoo in Portugal have not yet
been captured, and were last seen near the border-line of Switzerland. It
is thought that they are endeavouring to walk across Europe as a reprisal
for the flight across Africa by two Europeans.

* * *

The Dublin Trades Council called a one-day strike last week "to secure the
release of Mr. JAMES LARKIN." So successful was the strike, we understand,
that the United States authorities have decided that the presence of Mr.
LARKIN at forthcoming celebrations of a simi