deered his tutor's chairs
To keep the college bonfire going.

Immortal youth it was that bound
Us twain together, beauteous river;
And, though these limbs just crawl around
That once would scarcely touch the ground,
And alcohol upsets my liver,
Still, in a punt or lithe canoe
I can revive my vernal heyday,
Pretend the sky's ethereal blue,
The golden kingcups' cheery hue,
Spell my, as well as Nature's, Mayday.

The evening glows, the swallow skims
Between the water and the willows;
The blackbirds pipe their evening hymns,
A punt awaits at Mr. Tims'
With generous tea and lots of pillows,
And of all girls the first, the best
To play at youth with this old fossil;
Then Isis, as we glide to rest
Upon thy shadow-dappled breast,
We'll pledge thee in a generous wassail.

ALGOL.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Mistress._ "DID EVERYTHING COME FROM THE STORES THAT I
ORDERED?"

_Maid._ "EVERYTHINK, MUM, 'CEPT THE 'ADDICK, WHICH IS COMING ON BY ITSELF
LATER."]

* * * * *

ENGLAND UNBENDS.

REPORTS FROM SPA AND SHORE.

SCARGATE.--This famous Yorkshire Spa is now in a condition of hectic
activity and offers a plethora of attractions. A recent analysis of the
waters shows that the proportion of sapid ovaloid particles and
sulphuretted trinitrotoluene is larger than ever. Lieutenant Platt-
Stithers' stincopated anthropoid orchestra plays four times daily--in the
early morning and at noon for the relief of the water-drinkers, and in the
afternoon and evening in the rotating Jazz Hall. Special attractions this
week include cinema lectures daily on the domestic life of the Solomon
Islanders by Mr. Nicholas Ould; a recital on the Bolophone on Thursday by
Mr. Tertius Quodling, and, at the Grand Opera House, _Pope Joan_ and _The
Flip-Flappers_. On Saturday the Stridcar Golf Club will hold a series of
competitions in rational fancy dress for the benefit of the Phonetic
Spelling Association.

FALLALMOUTH.--Visitors to this romantic resort are offered a wide field of
entertainment and moral uplift. The steamer excursions embrace trips up the
lovely river Fallal to Gongor, famous for the prehistoric remains of the
shrine of Saint Opodeldoc, and to beauty spots in the harbour like
Glumgallion, Trehenna and Pangofflin Creek. There are also excursions in
armed motor-char-a-bancs to Boscagel, Cadgerack and Fla