a detective likes so much as a type riter
with an idiosxz an idioynq damit an idiotyncrasy . for instance if i commit
a murder i sLould not thinq of writing a litter about it with this of all
typewriters becusa because that fool ofa L would give me away at once I
daresay scotland Yard have got specimens of my trypewriting locked up in
some pigeonhole allready. if they Lavent they ought to; it ought to be part
of my dosossier.

i thing the place of the hypewriter in ART is inshufficiently apreciated.
Modern art i understand is chiefly sumbolical expression and straigt lines.
a typwritr can do strait lines with the under lining mark) and there are
few more atractive symbols thaN the symbols i have used in this articel; i
merely thro out the sugestion

I dont tkink i shal do many more articles like this it is tooo much like
work? but I am glad I have got out of that L habit;

A.P.L.

* * * * *

"PRISON FOR FLAT LANDLORDS."--_Evening Paper._

Good. But is nothing going to be done about the landlords with round
figures?

* * * * *

"With favourable weather, Thatcham can look forward to a pre-war show
this year."--_Local Paper._

Apparently Thatcham carries its eyes in the back of its head.

[Illustration: A SEA-VIEW OF THE SITUATION.

INDIGNANT LODGING-HOUSE KEEPER. "AND TO THINK OF THAT THERE ERIC WANTING TO
SQUEEZE THE POOR HOLIDAY-MAKERS BEFORE I GETS AT 'EM."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Outraged Batsman._ "JARGE, OI DO BELIEVE YOU'M BOWLIN'
DELIBERATE AT MOI GAMMY LEG."

_Jarge (feeling that something ought to be said)._ "WHY, WILLYUM, OI
THOUGHT THEY WAS BOTH GAMMY."]

* * * * *

ELIZABETH GOES ON HOLIDAY.

"Please, 'm, may I go for my 'olidays a week come Thursday?" asked
Elizabeth. She was evidently labouring under some strong excitement, for
she panted as she spoke and so far forgot herself in her agitation as to
take up the dust in the hall instead of sweeping it under the mat.

"But you promised to go on your holiday when we have ours in September," I
protested, aghast. (You will shortly understand the reason of my dismay.)
"I don't see how I can possibly manage--"

"I'm sorry, 'm, but I _must_ take 'em then," interposed Elizabeth with a
horrid giving-notice gleam in her eye which I have learnt to dread. "You
see, my young man is 'avin' 'is 'olidays then a