ay,
saying, "Useless, absolutely useless. Now that I am in this awful hole I
shall spend the night here. But I shall certainly sue your Company for the
amount of the business that I have lost."

That is what I mean to do, and with slight variations the ruse can be
applied to almost any non-stop run. Now that I have given the tip I shall
hope to find quite a little crowd of disappointed business men round the
station exits at holiday time when and/or if railway fares are increased.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Racing Tout (arrested the day before)._ "CAN YER TELL ME
WOT WON THE THREE-THIRTY?"

_Magistrate_. "SILENCE!" _Tout._ "W'Y, THERE WASN'T NO SUCH 'ORSE
RUNNING."]

* * * * *

OUR NATURAL HISTORY COLUMN.

_Letters to the Editor._

THE HYDE PARK MONUMENT.

DEAR SIR,--The experience of the Parisian scavenger who recently discovered
a crocodile in a dustbin encourages me to write to you on a similar
subject. I note with profound dismay the proposal to turn Hyde Park into a
Zoological Garden. At least this is not an unfair deduction from the scheme
to instal a huge python in the neighbourhood of Hyde Park Corner. I do not
profess to know much about snakes, but I believe the python is a most
dangerous reptile, and I see it stated that the pythons which have just
arrived at Regent's Park are "large and vigorous, already active and
looking for food." Surely this monstrous suggestion, threatening the safety
of the peaceful frequenters of the Park, calls for a national protest. Can
it be that the PREMIER is at the back of this, as of every invasion of our
rights?

Yours faithfully, MATERFAMILIAS.

P.S.--My son says it is a pylon, not a python, but that only makes it
worse.

STRANGE EXPERIENCE OF A HERMIT.

DEAR SIR,--My grandfather, who died in the 'fifties, used to tell a story
of a hermit who lived in Savernake Forest, an extraordinarily absent-minded
man with a beard of such colossal dimensions that several of the feathered
denizens of the forest took up their abode in its recesses. This curious
phenomenon was, I believe, commemorated in verse by an early-Victorian
poet, but I have not been able after considerable research to trace the
reference. I have the honour to remain,

Yours faithfully, ISIDORE TUFTON

(Author of _The Growth of the Moustache Movement, The Topiary Art as
applied to Whiskers_, and the article on "Pogonotrophy" in