or better will take you
(Little as that may be worth),
Hosts by the hand kindly shake you,
Crowds, when you wish to be funny,
Mind doing homage to Money,
Laugh with inordinate mirth.
Sages and moralists blame thee,
Stoics stand gloomy above thee,
Preachers with obloquy name thee,
Hermits and anchorites shame thee,
But symbol of all that is sunny,
Coy, courteous, flattering Money,
I love thee, I love thee, I love thee!

* * * * *

"BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!"

(_AN OPEN LETTER TO SOMEBODY._)

DEAR NOBLE CORRESPONDENT TO THE _TIMES_,--We see that you are doing
your best to defend the proposed destruction of the Lincoln's Inn
Gateway in Chancery Lane. In the course of your exertions, you have
been not too civil to several worthy persons, and inaccurate in your
description of the Society of Antiquaries. Now, do take our advice.
We know you were a clever "Silk" when you practised at the Bar, and
we have heard that your forefathers (for a generation or so) were
excellent hands at Banking; but, in the name of Lombard Street, do
let Archaeology alone!

With the best of wishes,

Yours sincerely,

(_Signed_) EVERYBODY.

* * * * *

CHANCE FOR BUYERS.--Last week, among the Tuesday's arrangements in the
_Daily Telegraph_, was announced:--"Bath Horse Show." Did this include
"Bath Towel-Horse Show?" Fine chance for sporting Mr. BLUNDEL MAPLE.
M.P., as a Towel-Horse dealer. "Great Towel-Horse Show in Tottenham
Court Road!" The sale of yearlings and the pedigrees would be
interesting.

* * * * *

[Illustration: LATEST INTELLIGENCE.

"BY THE WAY, WHERE _IS_ THAT PLACE, HELIGOLAND, THEY'RE ALL TALKING SO
MUCH ABOUT?"

"OH--DON'T YOU KNOW, DEAR? IT'S ONE OF THE PLACES LATELY DISCOVERED BY
MR. STANLEY!"]

* * * * *

THE TOMATO-CURE FOR DYSPEPSIA.

Don't talk to me of colocynth or famed cerulean pill,
Don't mention hyoscyamus or aloes when I'm ill;
The very word podophyllin is odious in mine ears,
The thought of all the drugs I've ta'en calls up the blinding tears;
The Demon of Dyspepsia, a sufferer writes to say,
At sight of the Tomato-plant will vanish quite away.

The Faculty will diet you till indigestion stops,
On what have always seemed to me interminable slops;
A dainty dish is sure to be the worst thing you can eat;
The bismuth