en the voices of those
bells--so long silent--rung in anticipation of such a very different
future--fall upon your ear once more, they may--

_Jack_ (_with a sardonic laugh_). "So long silent!" I like that. Sorry
to disappoint you, my dear Mamma, but that phonograph, as a domestic
stimulant, was played out long ago--it has played _me_ out often
enough! Perhaps you don't know it, but really VIOLA has rather
overdone it. Whenever we have a tiff, she sets the "_Voice from Eden_"
at me; if she chooses to consider herself ill-used, I am treated to
a preserved echo of our marriage vows, and the Bishop's address; when
she is in the sulks, I get the congratulations in the vestry; and
if ever I grumble at the weekly bills, it's drowned in the "_Wedding
March_!" As for your precious bells, I can't dine with a man at the
Club without hearing the confounded things pealing out the moment
I let myself in. That infernal phonograph, which you seem to fondly
imagine will make me burst into tears, and live happy ever after, has
driven me out of the house many a time when I was willing enough to
stay at home; but to be put through one's wedding ceremony three times
a week is enough to send any fellow to the Club, or out of his mind.
I'd smash the d----d thing with pleasure, only it seems to afford VI
some consolation. I can't say I find it soothing myself.

[_Before Mr. MANDOLINE can think of a suitable reply, Mrs. R. enters
from the inner room, where she has remained till now. She is carrying
a small steel poker, which she silently places in the hand of her
astonished husband._

_Jack._ Hullo! _you_ here? What's _this_ for?

[_Staring blankly at the poker._

_Mrs. R._ (_meekly_). To--to smash the d----d thing with.

[_The marriage peal ceases abruptly, as Mrs. MANDOLINE, comparatively
reassured, discreetly leaves the couple to come to a better
understanding without further assistance._

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING OFFICE.

_The Gentlewoman_, No. 1, has appeared. It gives, or rather sells, an
overwhelming lot for the money, which is sixpence. Sixpenn'orth of
all sorts. Plenty of readable information. Illustrations not the best
feature in it. Crowds of advertisements. The _menus_, if carefully
sustained, may prove very useful to those who "dinna ken." As to the
type of _The Gentlewoman_, well, the first picture is of Her Imperial
Majesty the QUEEN, and with this type of the Gentlewoman we shall all
be