CTER OF
HYSTERICAL AMBLYOPIA'!! DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT 'PSYCHICAL' MEANS! WHAT
DOES IT MEAN, OLD MAN?"

_Fellow Passenger_. "DON'T KNOW, I'M SURE, DEAR BOY! SOMETHING TO DO
WITH _BRAINS_, I B'LIEVE. NOT AT ALL IN _MY LINE_!"]

* * * * *

'ARRIET.

A REALISTIC RHAPSODY.

(_WITH APOLOGIES TO MR. HENRY KENDATT, AUTHOR OF "ASTARTE," IN THE
"BOOKMAN."_)

[Illustration: ('Arriet.)]

Across the wind-blown bridges,
O look, lugubrious Night!
She comes, the red-haired beauty
Illumined by gaslight!
By London's dim gaslight!
So hush, ye cads, your roar!
Behind her plumes are waving
Her oil'd fringe flaps before.

O 'ARRIET, Cockney sister,
Your face is writhed with jeers;
How awful is the angle
Of those protuberant ears!
Those red, protuberant ears!
And your splay feet--O lor!!!
My loud, my Cockney sister,
Where oil'd fringe flops before!

Ah, 'ARRIET! gracious 'eavens,
How your greased locks do glow!
I swoon! The "hodoration"
(I heard you call it so)
Sickens my senses so;
'Tis "Citronel"--no more,
That scents, like a cheap barber's,
That oil'd fringe hung before.

'ARRIET, my knowing darling,
Your eyes a cross-watch keep,
You're togged in shop-girl's fashion,
Your cloak is bugled deep,
Black-bugled broad and deep,
With buttons dappled o'er,
Good gr-racious! how it's grown, too--
That oil'd fringe flopped before!

That "bang" is awfully trying,
That odour maddens me.
By Jingo! you've been dyeing
Those rufous locks, I see,
Those sandy locks, I see,
They're darker than of yore.
Avaunt! I'd be forgetting
That oil'd fringe flopped before.

* * * * *

RATHER APPROPRIATE.

Under the heading "Military Education," there appears in _The Tablet_,
an advertisement concerning preparation for examinations at Woolwich
and Sandhurst by "the Rev. E. VON ORSBACH, F.R.G.S., F.R.Hist.S.,
late Tutor to their Highnesses the Princes of THURN-AND-TAXIS." What a
suggestive name for a tutor preparing young men for a Cavalry Regiment
is "VON ORSBACH!" Not only would pupils surmount all difficulties
of EUCLID's propositions, but being brought up by VON ORSBACH, they
would dare all "riders!" Then as to the Princes, his pupils, cannot
we conceive of the first Prince THURN how he has been turned out
a perfe