). But if
you're on the sands all day, how is it I never _see_ you?

_Male Voice_ (_mysteriously_). Would you like to know? Really? You
shall. (_With pride_.) I'm one of the Niggers!

_Fem. V._ (_deeply impressed_). Not "GUSSIE," or "Uncle ERNIE!"

_Male V._ (_with proud superiority_). Not exactly. I conduct, _I_
do--on the 'armonium.

_Fern. V._ (_rapturously_). Oh! I 'ad a sort o' feeling, from the very
first, that you must be _Somebody_!

_A Lodging-House Keeper_. Yes, nice people they was--I don't know when
I've _'ad_ such nice people. I'll tell you what they _did_ ... They
come on a Thursday--yes, Thursday it was--and took the rooms from the
Saturday followin' to the next Saturday--and then they stopped on to
the Saturday after that. I do call that nice--don't _you_?

_A Mystic Plaint_ (_from a Bench_). Many and many a time I've borrered
the kittles for them when the School Inspector was comin'--and now for
them to turn round on me like this! It's a shame, it is.

_A Lady of Economical Principles_ (_at a Bow-window, addressing her
Husband at the railings_). Why, my dear _feller_, why ever did you go
and do _that_--when there was a bed empty 'ere for him?

_The Husband_ (_sulkily_). No one ever said a word to _me_ about there
being a bed. And I've taken one for him now at the Paragon, anyway--so
_that's_ settled!

_The Economical Lady_. I call it downright foolishness to go paying
'alf-a-crown a night for a bed, when there's one all ready _'ere_ for
him! And you don't know _how_ long he may mean to stop, either!

_The Self-invited Visitor_ (_suddenly emerging from the
shadow_).--You'll be 'appy to know, Mum, that your 'ospitality will
not exceed the 'alf-crown. Good evenin'. [_Retires to the Paragon._

_The Econ. L._ (_regretfully_). And a lobster ordered in for supper
a-purpose for him, too!

_A Street Musician_ (_with a portable piano_). I will next attempt
a love-song. I feel full of love to-night. Oh, Ladies and
Gentlemen--(_earnestly_)--take advantage of a salubrious night like
this! Anyone who has not yet contributed will kindly embrace this
opportunity of placing his offering upon the instrument; after which I
shall endeavour to sing you "_In Old Madrid_." Oh, _what_ a difficult
ditty it is, to be sure, dear Ladies and Gentlemen--especially as it
makes the twenty-seventh I've sung since tea-time--however, I will do
my best. (_He sings it_.) That will conclude my _al-fresco_ Concert
for this eve