the grate Stait uv Kentucky, the last hope uv Democrisy, I hev
pitched my tent, and here I propose to lay these old bones when Deth,
who has a mortgage onto all uv us, shall see fit to 4close. I didn't
like to leave Washinton. I luv it for its memories. Here stands the
Capitol where the President makes his appintments; there is the Post
Offis Department, where all the Postmasters is appinted. Here it was
that Jaxon rooled. I hed a respex for Jaxon. I can't say I luved him,
for he never yoosed us rite. He hated the Whigs ez bad ez we did, but
after we beat em and elevated him to the Presidency, the stealins didn't
come in ez fast ez we expected. Never shel I forgit the compliment he
paid me. Jest after his election I presented myself afore him with my
papers, an applicant for a place. He read em, and scanned me with a
critic's eye.

"Can't yoo make yoose uv sich a man ez me?" sez I, inquirinly.

"Certinly," sez he; "I kin and alluz hev. Its sich ez yoo I use to beet
the whigs with, and I am continyooally astonished to see how much work I
accomplish with sich dirty tools. My dear sir," sed he, pintin to the
door, "when I realize how many sich cusses ez yoo there is, and how
cheap they kin be bought up, I really tremble for the Republic."

I didn't get the office I wantid.

Yet ez much ez I love Washinton, I wuz forced to leave it. I mite hev
stayed there, but the trooth is, the planks uv that city and the
pavements are harder, and worse to sleep on, than those uv any other
city in the Yoonited Staits. I hed lived two months by passin myself off
ez Dimekratic Congressmen, but that cood only last a short time, there
not bein many uv that persuasion here to personate. I had gone the
rounds uv the House ez often ez it wuz safe, and one nite commenced on
the Senit. Goin into Willard's, I called for a go uv gin, wich the
gentlemanly and urbane bar keeper sot afore me, and I drank. "Put it
down with the rest uv mine," sez I, with a impressive wave uv the hand.

"Yoor name?" sez he.

Assoomin a intellectual look, I retorted, "Do you know Charles Sumner?"

[Illustration: DO YOU KNOW CHARLES SUMNER?]

Here I overdid it; here vaultin ambition o'er-leaped herself. Hed I sed
"Saulsbury," it mite have ansered, but to give Sumner's name for a drink
uv gin wuz a peece uv lunacy for wich I kan't account. I wuz
ignominiously kicked into the street. Drinks obtained at the expense uv
bein kicked is cheep, but I don't want em on them