or
what the Senit uv the Yoonited States hez hed to, for the past few
years, for a dozen uv Tombs lawyers. Besides this, I'm gettin more from
Kentucky now than I am really entitled to. I've a mortgage on two-thirds
uv that State."

Fernandy and Ben Wood come up rather bold, and entered the flood ez
though they were sure uv goin through all right. With a inimitable
chuckle, Satan motioned away the inexperienced devils, and sed, "Leave
em to me," and at Ben he hurled a package uv the New York News, wich
swashed him down instanter. Jest ez Fernandy wuz beginnin to reach the
other shore, he flung onto him an assortment uv weights, labelled
"Lotteries" and "Riots," which took him down to the arm pits, and
finished by tumblin onto him a mass, onto wich wuz written "Mayoralty,"
and down he went; at wich His Majesty drew a sigh uv relief.

Seein the style uv the men who sunk, I remarked unto him,--

"This war hez bin a rather profitable thing for you."

"Nothin to speek uv," sed he. "The leaders uv the Southerners were, sum
uv em, honest, and got through on that account, and the rank and file
were ignorant wretches, who ain't accountable, no how. The leading
copperheads uv the North were mine, anyhow, from the beginnin. Any man
who cood sympathize with the rebels in sich a struggle, must, yoo will
acknowledge, hev hed a long career uv iniquity to fit em for sich a sin.
Why," sed he, "do yoo think I use all the shot I hev? Not any. Them
yoove seen piled on were used because, bein the last, they were on the
top uv the pile.

"Any quantity uv yoor party escaped me. Them fellows who are yet votin
for Jackson I'll never git, and the most uv them ez alluz votes
unscratched tickets will dodge me. Their innocence protects em. It takes
a modritly smart man to be vishus enuff to come to me; he hez to hev
sense enuff to distinguish between good and evil, cussednis enuff to
deliberately choose the latter, and brains enuff to do suthin startlin
in that line. Dan Voorhees, uv Injeany, hez all these qualities
developed to a degree wich excites my profound respect. Between him and
Fernandy Wood its nip and tuck. Fernandy did wicked things with more
neatnis than Voohees, but for a actual love uv doin em Voohees beets the
world. I sed," continued he, "that the war wuzn't uv much yoose to me. I
repeat it; it wuz a damage. Afore the war, I hed my own way, pretty
much, in the Southern States. For every octoroon, I cood count on at
least two p