anderin on the neighborin hills, a musin onto the
cussednis uv humanity ez exemplified in the person uv the grocery keeper
at the Corners, who unanimusly refoozed to give me further credit for
corn whisky, wich is the article they yoose in this country to pizen
theirselves with. He asshoored me that he hed the utmost regard for my
many virtues; but he diskivered that the one he prized the most I hedn't
so many uv, to wit, that uv payin for my likker. Therefore the account
mite be considered closed. Then, for the fust time in my life, I bleeved
in total depravity.

While musin, in a melonkoly mood, on this dark cloud wich fell across my
pathway, and the fall uv the Dimocratic party, I came onto a party of
men borin for ile. Then the trooth flashed over me. Their operations
showed me the way to success--the shoor path to triumph.

"When," said I to myself, "when men seek gain they bore for it. They go
down--never up." Even so with the Dimocrisy. We dug downward, downward,
downward, through all the strata uv society. We went through the
groceries; the next stratum was the most ignorant uv the furiners; then
we struck the poor whites uv the South; then, below them, the heft uv
the people uv Noo Gersy; then Southern Illinoy and Indiana; then Pike
county, Missouri; and so on. We never went upward for converts, cause
'twant no use. When a man wanted to jine us he alluz hed to come down.
We got lots of converts.

There was a regular slidin scale, which the heft uv Democrats who wuznt
born in the party hev slid down; to wit:--

Quarter dollar smiles.

15 cent nips.

10 cent drinks.

5 cent sucks.

A flat flask conceeled.

A bottle openly.

Dimocrisy.

We lost our hold for two reasons. First, the poor likker we hev now
kills off our voters too fast; and the tax on whiskey forced two thirds
uv our people to quit suckin, and ez soon ez they begun to git on their
feet they jined the Ablishnists. Secondly, our leaders spozed there wuz
no lower stratum to dig into, and give up in disgust.

But I hev deskivered that lower stratum--I hev found it; and when the
idea flashed over my Websterian intelleck, I shouted Halleloogy! The
nigger is the lower stratum; and ef we bore down to it, and work it
thoroughly, we hev, at least, a twenty years' lease uv power.

We must cultivate the nigger. HE MUST HEV THE SUFFRAGE! It is a burnin
shame, that, in this Nineteenth Sentry, in the full blaze uv
intelligence, livin under a Dekla