he, in a
musin, abstracted sort uv a way, wich he's fallen into lately, "the
fellow is sich a triflin bein, that he reely kin hardly be held
'sponsible for what he's doin; and the balance uv em, good Hevens!
they'r mostly druv to it by hunger." And the Secretary maundered on
suthin about "sixty days" and "ninety days," paying no more attention to
the rest uv us than ez ef we wuzn't there at all.

So, receevin transportashen and suffishent money from the secret service
fund for expenses, I departed for Cleveland, and after a tejus trip
thro' an Ablishn country, I arrived there. My thots were gloomy beyond
expression. I hed recently gone through this same country ez chaplin to
the Presidential tour, and every stashen hed its pecooliar onpleasant
remembrances. Here wuz where the cheers for Grant were vociferous, with
nary a snort for His Eggslency; there wuz where the peasantry laft in
his face when he went thro' with the regler ritooal uv presentin the
constitooshn and the flag with 36 stars onto it to a deestrick assessor;
there wuz--but why recount my sufferins? Why harrow up the public bosom,
or lasserate the public mind? Suffice to say, I endoored it; suffice to
say that I hed strength left to ride up Bank street, in Cleveland, the
scen uv the most awful insult the Eggsecutive ever receeved.

The evenin I arrived, the delegates, sich ez wuz on hand, held a
informal meetin to arrange matters so ez they wood work smooth when the
crowd finally got together. Genral Wool wuz ez gay and frisky ez though
he reely belonged to the last ginerashn. There wuz Custar, uv Michigan,
with his hair freshly oiled and curled, and busslin about ez though he
hed cheated hisself into the beleef that he reely amounted to suthin;
and there wuz seventy-eight other men, who hed distinguished theirselves
in the late war, but who hed never got their deserts, ceptin by brevet,
owin to the fact that the Administrashn wuz Ablishn, which they wuzn't.
They were, in a pekuniary pint uv view, suthin the worse for wear, tho'
why that shood hev bin the case I coodent see (they hevin bin, to an
alarmin extent, quartermasters and commissaries, and in the recrootin
service), til I notist the prevailin color uv their noses, and heerd one
uv em ask his neighbor ef Cleveland wuz blest with a faro bank! Then I
knowd all about it.

There wuz another pekooliarity about it which for a time amoozed me.
Them ez wuz present wuz divided into 2 classes--those ez hed