_

_W. U._ The children--gone? yon bush of berries less full!
Hooray, my little stratagem's successful!

[_Dances a triumphant pas seul. Re-enter Farmer C._

_Farmer C._ Been looking for your little niece and nephew?

_The W. U._ Yes, searching for them everywhere--

_Farmer C. (ironically)._ Oh, _hev'_ you?
Then let me tell you, from all pain they're free, Sir.

_The W. U. (falling on his knees)._ _I_ didn't poison them--it wasn't _me_,
Sir!

_Farmer C._ I thought as much--a constable I'll run for. [_Exit._

_The W. U._ My wretched nerves again! _this_ time I'm done for!
Well, though I'm trapped and useless all disguise is,
My case shall ne'er come on at the Assizes!
[_Rushes desperately to tree and crams himself with the remaining
berries, which produce an almost instantaneous effect.
Re-enter_ TOM _and_ JANE _from gate, looking pale and limp.
Terror of the_ Wicked Uncle _as he turns and recognises them._

_The W. U. (with tremulous politeness)._ The shades of JANE and
TOMMY, I presume? [_Re-enter Farmer C._

_Jane and Tommy (pointing to Farmer C.)_ His Cattle Mixtures snatched us
from the Tomb!

_The W. U. (with a flicker of hope)._ Why, then the selfsame drugs will
ease my torments!

_Farmer C. (chuckling.)_ Too late! they've drunk the lot, the little
vormints!

_The W. U. (bitterly)._ So out of life I must inglorious wriggle,
Pursued by TOMMY'S grin, and JENNY'S giggle!

[_Dies in great agony, while_ TOMMY, JANE, _and_ Farmer COPEER
_look on with mixed emotions as the Curtain falls_.

* * * * *

[Illustration: RECIPROCAL HOSPITALITY.

_First Distinguished Colonist._ "BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU SEEN ANYTHING OF
THAT NICE YOUNG FELLOW, LORD LIMPET, SINCE YOU CAME TO LONDON--THE MAN
WHO STAYED WITH YOU SO MANY MONTHS AT YOUR STATION LAST YEAR?"

_Second Ditto, Ditto._ "OH YES! I MET HIM THE OTHER NIGHT AT LADY
BOVRIL'S RECEPTION, AND HE KINDLY BESTOWED UPON ME THE UNUSED HALF OF A
SMILE WHICH HE HAD PUT TOGETHER FOR A PASSING DUKE!"]

* * * * *

THE NEW DANCE OF DEATH.

"Starving to make a British holiday"--
And plump his pockets with the _gobemouches'_ pay!
A pretty picture, full of fine humanity
And creditable to the public sanity!
"Sensation" is a most despotic master.
First HIGGINS and then SUCCI! Fast and faster
The flood of morbid sentiment