he Ch. O.G._ (_sidling affably up to the Irritable Person as he
is moving out_). Marvellous strides Science has made of late, Sir!
Almost incredible. I declare to _you_, while I was sitting there, I
positively felt inclined to ask myself the question--

_The Irr. P._ Allow me to say, Sir, that another time, if you will
obey that inclination, and put the question to yourself instead of
other people, you will be a more desirable neighbour in a Telephone
Room than, I confess I found you!

[_He turns on his heel, indignantly._

_The Ch. O.G._ (_to himself_). 'Strordinary what unsociable people one
_does_ come across at times! Now I 'm always ready to talk to anybody,
I am--don't care _who_ they are. Well--well-- [_He walks on, musing._

* * * * *

[Illustration: QUITE NATURAL.

_Mamma._ "ETHEL DEAR, WHY WON'T YOU SAY GOOD-BYE TO THIS GENTLEMAN? HE
IS VERY KIND!"

_Ethel._ "BECAUSE, MUMMY DEAR, YOU TOLD HIM JUST NOW HE IS 'THE LION
OF THE SEASON,'--AND I AM SO FRIGHTENED!"]

* * * * *

"DE PROFUNDIS."

(_BY AN INDIGNANT "OUTSIDER."_)

A masterpiece, worthy of TURNER,
Was mine, there my friends all agree,
No work of a pot-boiling learner,
My "_View on the Dee_."

A place on the line I expected,
Associate shortly to be!
Hang me, if it isn't rejected,
And marked with a D!

I will not repeat what I uttered
When this was reported to me;
The mere monosyllable muttered
Begins with a D.

* * * * *

ON THE (POST) CARDS.

["Sir JAMES FERGUSSON does not hesitate to declare his opinion
that rudeness or incivility on the part of a Post-Office
servant is, next to dishonesty, one of the worst offences
he can commit. This notice is not addressed to men alone.
Of the young women employed by the department, there are, he
says, some, if not many, whom it is impossible to acquit of
inattention and levity in the discharge of their official
duties. It is Sir JAMES FERGUSSON's intention to ascertain, at
short intervals, the effect of this notice on the behaviour of
Post-Office officials generally."--_Daily Paper_.]

SCENE--_Interior of a Post Office. Female Employees engaged
in congenial pursuits._

_First Emp._ (_ending story_). And so she never got the bouquet, after
all, and he went to Margate, without even saying good-bye.