discharge!

_Chair._ And where are you quartered?

_Wit._ At the Royal Princess's Theatre, Oxford Street, where I have
these strange experiences of discipline, and where I am enlisted in
the unconventional, not to say illegal, way I have described, nightly;
nay, sometimes twice daily!

_Chair._ And why have you proffered your evidence?

_Wit._ Because I think the Public ought to know, my Lord, the great
services afforded by the most recent Melodrama to the popularity of
the Army, and--yes, the cause of recruiting!

[_The Witness then withdrew._

* * * * *

HOW THEY BRING THE GOOD NEWS!

All the papers teeming
With, the news of DEEMING
On the shore or ship;
Telling of his tearing
Hair that he was wearing
From his upper lip.

(T-SS-D, rush! Pursue it!
Buy it, bring it, glue it
On your model! Quick!)
Telling how he's looking,
How he likes the cooking,--
Bah, it makes one sick!

Telling of his bearing,
How the crowds are staring,
What may be his fate,
Just what clothes he wore the
Days he came before the
Local Magistrate.

And, verbatim printed
All he's said or hinted
As to any deeds;
Such a chance as this is
Not a paper misses!
Everybody reads!

Would they give such latest
News of best and greatest
Folks? What's that you say?
Who would read of virtue,
Or such news insert? You
Know it would not pay.

So, demand creating
Such supply, they're stating
All that they can tell;
Spite of School-Board teaching,
Culture, science, preaching,
This is sure to sell.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE END OF THE SEASON. AU REVOIR!]

* * * * *

[Illustration: STAIRCASE SCENES.--NO. 1. PRIVATE VIEW, ROYAL ACADEMY.]

* * * * *

THE YOUNG GIRL'S COMPANION.

(_BY MRS. PAYLEY,_)

II.--DINING-OUT.

I can quite understand that a young girl may not care much for the
mere material dinner. The palate is a pleasure of maturity. The
woman of fifty probably includes a menu or two among her most sacred
memories; but the young girl is capable of dining on part of a cutlet,
any pink sweetmeat, and some tea. But I must confess that I was
surprised at another objection to dining-out that a young girl, only
at the end of her second season, once made to me. She said that she
positively could n