written in advance for Next Month's
"Powder Magazine," by a Soldier in the Ranks._)

The Victory of Rumtumidity was certainly one of the most amusing things
I ever saw in my life. We landed at six o'clock in the evening, and
finding a grog-shop, were soon gone coons. Speaking for myself, I saw
the colours of the Regiment magnified by twenty! Well, we were ordered
to march, and off we started, staggering along in fine style. Out came
the moon, and one of us fell down in a dead faint.

"Suffering from sunstroke!" said the Surgeon, who was a Welsh Irishman.
"Leave him in the sand, and he will soon come to himself when he finds
you gone--if he doesn't, the vultures will hasten his movements."

This jest made us all laugh. Our Captain hearing one of us roaring a
trifle too loud, put his sword through him. Immense!

We marched along to the music of the prisoners, who yelled out bravely
when they were prodded by the guards set over them.

"Did you see the like!" said TIM O'FLANAGAN (from Edinburgh), who, no
doubt, would have developed the idea, had not his head at that moment
been carried off by a cannon-ball. Very comic!

"Now, my lads," said our Captain, who wasn't much of an orator, "look
here--England expects every man to do his duty; and, if you don't, why
_I_ am having you all watched, and, as sure as beans is beans, the
laggards will be bayoneted."

This little speech had the desired effect, especially after it had been
strengthened by a double ration of grog.

Then came the order to charge. We charged, and killed everyone we saw,
including our own officers. This simplified matters. A little later the
whole place was in our hands. Rumtumidity was taken!

Then came the order to bury the dead. But we did more--_we buried the
living with them_! Oh, how it made us laugh! Then came supper, and we
amused ourselves by telling to one another our adventures. I was just
recounting how I had emptied the pockets of a deceased officer,
when--"whisk!"--up came a cannon-ball and struck me! I was able to say
nothing more at that time; as, when the cannon-ball had passed, I found
it had left me defunct! And I have been dead ever since. My companion
and chum, whose name I must not give without permission, will vouch for
every word I've said.

(_Signed_) A. MUNCHAUSEN,

_Late Lance-Ensign, the Lincoln Longbowers_.

* * * * *

"ENGLISH, YOU KNOW, QUITE ENGLISH."

Perhaps, the good old rule t