nt hadn't got any. The regimental bagpipes were first introduced
by Mr. BOUCICAULT, in his drama of _The Relief of Lucknow_ (that was the
subject, whatever the name might have been) at Astley's. Miss AMY
ROSELLE'S recitation of the thrilling story specially written for her by
Mr. SAVILE CLARKE is most dramatic, and thrills the audience at the
Empire. The journalistic discussion, as to the pipes, comes in very
appropriately, and will assist to raise the wind and pay the piper. This
recitation, is a great "Relief" to the ordinary Music-hall
entertainments, and the Empire has "Luck now."

* * * * *

"PROPRIA QUAE MARIBUS."

PENTHESILEA straddling on the pigskin?
Surely a male biped need not dwell
In a prejudiced pedantic prig's skin,
Not to like that prospect passing well.
CARLYLE, who scoffed at Man, had deemed it caddish
To picture _Woman_ as "a mere forked radish."

Dear Diana after hounds a riding
Like--a clothes-peg on a clothes-line? Nay!
Rub out all unnatural laws dividing
Sex from sex,--'tis the World's drift to-day.
Let ladies mount the 'bus, or Hansom Cab it,
But let not custom new banish old Habit.

Paint, write poems, pose as prandial wit, Ma'am,
Perorate upon the public platform;
Even in the County Council sit, Ma'am,
If Law lets you, and your taste takes that form;
But take _Punch's_ tip, and do not straddle;
Stick to common-sense and the side-saddle.

* * * * *

Lines on the Labour Conference.

[Illustration]

The youthful German Emperor may try
By Socialistic plans to prop his rule.
Some think 'twill all result in a great cry,
And little (Berlin) wool.
Still, all good souls will wish young WILLIAM luck.
The Teutons may not relish Swiss suggestion,
But anyhow it shows the Emperor's pluck
In handling _Berne_-ing questions.

* * * * *

_Q._ Shall Privates in uniform be admitted to the stalls and boxes in
theatres? _A._ Certainly, if covered with "Orders." Private Boxes
henceforth will be Boxes for Privates.

* * * * *

[Illustration: WEATHER STUDIES.

"ONLY A FACE AT A WINDOW!" | "ONLY A FACE--NOTHING MORE!"]

* * * * *

"GRANDOLPHO FURIOSO!"

_Mr. Punch loquitur:--_

"Begone brave army, don't kick up a row!"--
GRANDOLPHO mine, it were sheer superflu