n't go on, because it was too Tirard!!

* * * * *

[Illustration: ARTISTIC POSTPRANDIALISM.

_Painter._ "I HOPE I SHALL HAVE THE PLEASURE OF HEARING YOU PLAY
TO-NIGHT!"

_Musician._ "ACH, NO! AFTER TINNER, MUSIC IS TISCOSTING! LET US CO ROUND
AND LOOK AT ZE PUTIFUL BICTURES TOGEZZER--JA?"

_Painter._ "WHAT! _PICTURES!_ AFTER _DINNER_! THE VERY IDEA MAKES ME
SICK!" [_Exeunt, to play Poker._]]

* * * * *

THE NEW AMAZON.

Ride-a-cock horse
To Banbury Cross,
To see a young Lady
A-straddle, o'course.
If the new notion
Very far goes,
What she'll do next
Nobody knows.

* * * * *

SPECTACULAR.--How is it that among the guests at the Livery
Dinner--(ugh! horrid expression! Yet I dare say the dinner wasn't more
livery than any other City banquet)--of the Spectacle Makers' Company,
were not to be found AUGUSTUS DRURIOLANUS, quite the best spectacle
maker in London, and that from among the list of toasts as reported,
Art, Literature, and the Drama were omitted? Through what spectacles do
the Spectacle Makers see?

* * * * *

REFLECTION ON THE RECENT VALUABLE DISCOVERY AT CANTERBURY.--If cremation
had been the practice in 1228 there would have been no remains of
STEPHEN LANGTON to-day. Without the remains of the Archbishop, is it
likely that the treasures, historically so valuable, would have been
permitted to come down to us?

* * * * *

MR. C. M. WOODFORD has just brought out a book entitled _A Naturalist
among the Head Hunters_. Ahem! It doesn't sound nice. Is it procurable
at every hairdresser's?

* * * * *

"BETTERMENT,"--Well-meant.

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons, May 9._--This has been great occasion for Windbag
SEXTON. Excelled himself, and there is no other point of comparison
useful or usable. SAUNDERSON, who always takes friendly views of his
countrymen opposite, pleads that SEXTON'S windbaggism is partly due to
his birth. In Ireland, he assures me, a mile is longer than in other
parts of the Empire; and so, kind-hearted Colonel pleads, some allowance
should be made for SEXTON when he gets on the oratorical tramp. That's
all very well; but, for a man to talk two hours and three-quarters