he sailor be home from the sea:
Victory beams on the banners of Right,
This is the time to be merry and bright;
Stilled is the riot of shot and of shard
And (what a boon to the heart of the bard!)
Now we may purchase unlimited lard.

Shout for the joy of it, waving your hats;
Where there are puttees will shortly be spats;
Never again will we form on the right,
Squad or platoon, for a sergeant's delight;
So let our faces, by discipline marred,
Shine with an unction that savours of nard,
Now we may purchase unlimited lard.

* * * * *

BIG BERTHA OUTRANGED.

"Two Russian battleships and some cruisers set out from Cronstadt
to meet the British warships in the Baltic, and were fired on from
the Flemish coast."--_Yorkshire Paper_.

* * * * *

"After four incessant years across Dora's knee the peace New
Year ought surely to hold something good in its kindly lap for
well-strafed automobilists."--_Sketch_.

But after four years across Dora's knee the New Year is probably not
thinking about its lap, but quite the reverse.

* * * * *

"The announcement of a ball in Brussels gave plenty of scope for
imaginative scribes to quote, in some cases almost correctly,
the lines about 'there was a scene of revelry by night.'"--"_Mr.
Gossip_" in "_The Daily Sketch_."

"MR. GOSSIP," too, quotes "almost correctly."

* * * * *

It is hoped that if M. PADEREWSKI becomes President of the new Polish
Republic he will experience the truth of the old proverb, _Chi va
piano va sano._

* * * * *

[Illustration: _British Officer (Army of occupation)_. "LOOK OUT, OLD
BEAN! WE'RE GETTING THE GLAD EYE."]

* * * * *

THE ARMY OF ENTERTAINMENT, LTD.

As a mere soldier threatened with unemployment owing to the sudden
outbreak of peace, I offer to any enterprising company-promoter an
idea which should provide him with an immense fortune and myself with
a congenial means of livelihood.

My suggestion is that, with the consent of Lord NORTHCLIFFE and the
Allies, a slice of the old Front should be kept up _in statu quo_, and
a representative assortment of troops retained to hold it on what was
our side, and to carry on the War as it was in the good old days of
'15, when we thought our life'