s persisted, has survived the probation of time and
necessity. At the age of fifteen I knew the principal rivers of South
America ("Geography--Has made great progress"); to-day at fifty I have
no recollection of any, nor any desire to have it. Instead I can order
dinner. Gastronomy for geography; new lamps for old! In any report
drawn up now there would be a totally different series of subjects.
Thus:--

Business Method . . . Might be better.
Punctuality . . . . . Tries his best.
Patriotism . . . . . Good.
Veracity . . . . . . Moderate.
Financial Soundness . Very variable.

As a means of constructive criticism the report system might be useful
in Parliament. The Speaker, as headmaster, should be entrusted with
the task of preparing the documents. I can see some such results as
the following:--

THE PRIME MINISTER.

Logic . . . . . . . . Weak.
Opportunism . . . . . Strong.
Golf . . . . . . . . Shows little improvement.
Belligerence . . . . Very good.
Tonsorial Artistry . Far from satisfactory. Should give it
more attention.
Oratory . . . . . . . Fluent and powerful, but must guard
against impulse. Too fond in perorations
of drawing metaphors from Welsh
physical geography.

MR. BONAR LAW.

Mediation . . . . . . Admirable, but must not be overworked.
Oratory . . . . . . . Fair. Has tendency to unnecessary candour.
Does not sufficiently employ periphrasis.
Fidelity . . . . . . Beyond praise.

MR. WINSTON CHURCHILL.

Oratory . . . . . . . Effective, if given enough time to prepare.
Modesty . . . . . . . Room for improvement.
Polarity . . . . . . Weak.
Ambition . . . . . . An honest worker.

Lastly, let us take the report sheet of one not wholly absent from
the public eye, whom I will designate merely by the initials W.W.

Pride . . . . . . . . Far less than he had two or three years ago.
Facial beauty . . . . More than adequate.
Subrisivity . . . . . Phenomenal.
Oratory . . . . . . . Admirable, but too fond of telling the
same story.
Popularity . . . . . Could not be greater.

* * * * *

HAIR-CUTTING AND DENTISTRY.

I am going to get my hair cut. But I must first mention the matter to
my wife.

Why do I do this? It is not because I am a co