ugh your false kid my deadly blade I'll pass!
(_Confidentially_). (Look here, old fellow, don't you be a _hass_!)

[_They exchange passes at a considerable distance._

_The Sailor D. (aside)._ Don't lose your temper now!

_Sold. D._ Don't get excited.
Do keep a little farther off!

_Sail. D._ Delighted!

[_Wounds_ Soldier D. _by misadventure_.

_Sold. D. (annoyed)._ There now, you've gone and made upon my wax a dent!

_Sail. D._ Excuse me, it was really quite an accident.

_Sold. D. (savagely)._ Such clumsiness would irritate a saint!

[_Stabs_ Sailor Doll.

_Miss J. and P. (imploringly)._ Oh, stop! the sight of sawdust turns
us faint!

[_They drop into chairs, swooning._

_The Sailor D._ I'll pay you out for that!

[_Stabs_ Soldier D.

_Sold. D._ Right through you've poked me!

_Sailor D._ So you have _me_!

_Sold. D._ You shouldn't have provoked me!

[_They fall transfixed._

_Sailor D. (faintly)._ Alas, we have been led away by vanity.
Dolls shouldn't try to imitate humanity!

[_Dies._

_Soldier D._ For, if they do, they'll end like us, unpitied,
Each on the other's sword absurdly spitted!

[_Dies._ Miss J. _and_ P. _revive, and bend sadly over the corpses_.

_Miss Jenny._ From their untimely end we draw this moral,
How wrong it is, even for dolls, to quarrel!

_Miss Polly._ Yes, JENNY, in the fate of these poor fellows see
What sad results may spring from female jealousy!

[_They embrace penitently as Curtain falls._

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE ROSE-WATER CURE.]

* * * * *

THE ROSE-WATER CURE.

[The Report of the Sweating Committee says that "the inefficiency of
many of the lower class of workers, early marriages, and the
tendency of the residuum of the population in large towns to form a
helpless community, together with a low standard of life and the
excessive supply of unskilled labour are the chief factors in
producing sweating." The Committee's chief "recommendations" in
respect of the evils of Sweating seem to be, the lime-washing of
work-places and the multiplication of sanitary inspectors.]

SEVENTY-ONE Sittings, a many months' run,
Witnesses Two Hundred, Ninety and One:
Clergymen, guardians, factors, physicians,
Middlemen, labourers, smart statisticians,
Journalists, managers, Gentiles and Jews,
And this is the iss