. 'Tis a mad world, my Meisters, but, mad or not, we shall always be
glad to hear your glees.

* * * * *

AT THE DENTIST'S.--"_It won't hurt you in the least, and it will be out
before you know where you are_;" _i.e._, "You will suffer in the one
minute and thirty-nine seconds I am tugging at your jaw, all the
concentrated agony of forty-eight continuous hours of wrenching your
crushed and tortured body off your staring and staggered head."

* * * * *

WEEK BY WEEK.

_Wednesday._--Great Day everywhere. _Mr. Punch_ appears. Crowds in Fleet
Street. The Numbers up in the Office Window. Receptions, alarums, (eight
day) excursions (there and back) to meet H.M. STANLEY. Curfew at dusk.
No followers allowed.

_Thursday._--Crowds out to meet H. M. STANLEY. Mrs. NEMO'S sixth and
last dance to meet Mr. H. M. STANLEY, as he hasn't been to any of the
others.

_Friday._--Lecture by Mr. CHARLES WYNDHAM on "the block system," in the
time of CHARLES THE FIRST. Admission by entrances only.

_Saturday._--Centenary Celebration of a lot of things. Review of the
events of the past month in Hyde Park, by the Editor of the _Nineteenth
Century_, to meet Mr. STANLEY. Ceremony of conferring the Order of the
Adelphi on H. M. STANLEY, by Messrs. GATTI.

_Sunday._--Short services from Dover to Calais. No sermon. Collection in
Hyde Park. H. M. STANLEY goes to meet somebody else for a change.

_Monday._--Expedition to find H. M. STANLEY.

_Tuesday._--Readings of the Barometer, and lecture on hot-house plants
and French grapes, by Sir SOMERS VINE. At Tattersall's, Lecture on the
approaching "Eve of the Derby," and the female dark races.

* * * * *

It has been finally settled that Mr. PHIL GORMAN, who will be remembered
in connection with the catering department at all the public dinners
held of late years in Sloshfield, is to be the next incumbent of the
highest municipal office in that prosperous borough. Mrs. GORMAN is a
daughter of the celebrated local poet, JAMES POSH, whose verse still
occasionally adorns the _Sloshfield Standard_.

* * * * *

A remarkable incident is stated to have taken place at Lady B----'s
fancy dress ball. A gentleman, wearing the gorgeous costume of a
Venetian Senator of the _renaissance_ period, somewhat awkwardly
entangled his spurs in the flowing train of a beautiful _debutante_,