ue! A thing to amuse
A cynic, the chat of this precious Committee,
But moving kind hearts to despair blent with pity.

CANTUAR., DERBY, and mild ABERDEEN,
Such anti-climax sure never was seen!
ONSLOW and ROTHSCHILD and MONKSWELL and THRING,
Are you content with the pitiful thing?
DUNRAVEN out of it; lucky, my lad!
(Though your retirement seemed caused by a fad)
Was the Inquiry in earnest or sport?
What is the pith of this precious Report?

Sweating--which all the world joined to abuse--
Is not the fault of poor Russians or Jews;
'Tisn't the middleman more than the factor,
'Tisn't, no 'tisn't, the sub-contractor;
'Tisn't machinery. No! In fact,
What Sweating _is_, in a manner exact,
After much thinking we cannot define.
Who _is_ to blame for it? Well, we incline
To think that the Sweated (improvident elves!)
Are, at the bottom, _to blame themselves_!
They're poor of spirit, and weak of will,
They marry early, have little skill;
They herd together, all sexes and ages,
And take too tamely starvation wages;
And if they _will_ do so, much to their shame,
How can the Capitalist be to blame?
Remedies? Humph! We really regret
We don't see our way to them. People _must_ sweat,
_Must_ stitch and starve till they almost drop;
But _let it be done in a lime-washed shop_!
To drudge in these dens is their destined fate,
But keep the dens in a decent state.
More inspectors, fewer bad smells,
These be our cures for the Sweaters' Hells!

Revolutions with rose-water cannot be made!
So it was said. But the horrors of Trade,
Competition's accursed fruit,
The woman a drudge, and the man a brute,
These, our Committee of Lordlings are sure,
Can only be met by the Rose-water Cure!
The Sweating Demon to exorcise
Exceeds the skill of the wealthy wise.
Still he must "grind the face of the poor."
(Though some of us have a faint hope, to be sure,
That the highly respectable Capitalist
To the Lords' mild lispings will kindly list.)
No; the Demon must work his will
On his ill-paid suffering victims still;
But--he'd better look with a little _less_ dirt,
So sprinkle the brute with our Rose-water Squirt!!!

* * * * *

[Illustration: HARDLY LIKELY.

(_An Incident in a "Point to Point" Race._)

_Fallen Competitor (to his Bosom Friend, who now has the Race in hand)._
"HI, GEORGE, OLD MAN! JUST CATCH MY