egg from the
basement.

Then, being an engineer by profession, I conceived a mechanical means
of giving those hens the scare of their lives if they persisted
in their antisocial habits. I constructed a "spoof" egg of white
enamelled metal, with hinges that opened when a catch was touched.
Inside I compressed one of those jack-in-the-box snakes that spring
out when free to do so.

It was quite effective--as a parlour-trick. Those hens pecked the
catch loose, and that cockatrice fairly staggered them. It was to them
a clear case of "nourishing a viper." But all was as before.

Nibletts then gave up the case as (what he might be excused for
calling) a "fair corker." Should he wring their (pause) necks?

We thought it best so, and gave him a couple of "laying pullets" for
his trouble. The other eight kept us going monotonously for about a
month.

The house is still on offer. Houses are scarce just now.

I have sown my Wyandottes.
* * * * *
It was the income-tax man that suggested the title that I have given
to my story. I disagreed with him _in toto_. But he persisted that it
wasn't an "expense."

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Ex-Soldier_ (_to stout passenger_). "MIGHT I SUGGEST,
SIR, THAT EITHER YOU PASS FURTHER DOWN THE CAR OR TAKE A COURSE OF
PHYSICAL TRAINING?"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Mr. Skivvington-Smyth (loudly)._ "COVENT GARDEN!"
_Taximan (equally loudly)._ "MARKET?"]

* * * * *

THE NOMADS.

"There are no houses in the Town,"
Said Mr. Smith (of Smith and Brown);
I hardly like to put it down,
But that's what he asserted;
So thereupon I went to Anne
And told her of my brilliant plan,
Which is, to purchase from a man
A furniture-removal van,
And have the thing converted.

Within that mobile villa gay
We shall not choose, though gipsies may,
Through country lanes and woods to stray,
Not likely. We shall enter
An up-to-date Bohemian lot,
And, if you read _The Daily Rot_,
You'll find it has observed us (what?)
Proceeding at a smartish trot
Through London's throbbing centre.

And there will be some curious stirs,
Unless my fancy greatly errs,
At restaurants and theatres
When our distinctive turn-out
Lines up with all the others there,
And we look out with quite an air
And order the commissionaire
Kindly