tion of his own ridiculous ear-flip.

"To-morrow, if the Major strafes me for my handling of the platoon on
the barrack-square, I'll challenge him to detail 'presenting arms, by
numbers.'

"To-morrow, if the Colonel checks my men for being slovenly turned out
on parade, I'll publicly point out to him that the buttons of his own
pockets are undone and that the ends of his bootlaces are hanging out.

"To-morrow, if the General curses a man for rubbing his nose while
at attention, I'll openly suggest to him that it is not smart and
soldierlike to slouch along with one hand in your pocket while
inspecting the ranks.

"To-morrow, if I get the chance, I'll do all these things. I have put
off doing them far too long."

So spake the brave young subaltern, knowing full well that he is to be
demobbed to-day.

* * * * *

"A Tooting hen is laying two eggs a day."--_Evening Paper_.

Then it seems to us that she is quite justified in tooting.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE LOVING CUP: A PARTING TOAST.

BRITISH LION _(to American Eagle)._ "HERE'S LUCK TO YOU. YOU BROUGHT
IT TO ME."]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

_Monday, May 12th_.--Lord FRENCH'S newspaper revelations were brought
to the notice of Mr. CHURCHILL, who adduced the cases of the late
Lords WOLSELEY and ROBERTS as evidence that Field-marshals, when
unemployed, have always been allowed considerable freedom of
criticism. The fact that Lord FRENCH is Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland and
(nominal) Commander-in-Chief of the considerable army employed in that
country makes no difference; but ordinary serving officers are still
subject to the Regulations and will take FRENCH leave at their peril.

In the course of a further discussion on milk--prices, about which the
West Country is still up in arms, Mr. MCCURDY dropped the remark that
it was impossible to control cream, owing, no doubt, to its notorious
insurrectionary tendencies; and Colonel WEIGALL removed a load of
suspicion from some of our minds by the emphatic declaration that "a
cow was not a pump, of which the supply could be turned off or on as
one liked."

The FIRST COMMISSIONER OF WORKS was not very hopeful about the removal
of the buildings which disfigure the Parks. The most he could say
was that he was doing his best to get the camouflage school out of
Kensington Gardens, and let nature have a chan